Happy Birthday Matthew!

The past year has brought a lot of changes for Matthew. He started kindergarten, made new friends, was baptized and develop some new interests. Matthew has grown a lot this year as I realize all children his age do. It's amazing to watch how much young children change as they leave their preschool years and become school age children. It's a much harder transition than I ever realized. Both of my boys struggled at times during this transition but also blossomed.

Matthew turned 6 years old last week. It's amazing to look at him and think about how far he has come. He is no longer the scared and traumatized 1 year old boy who first came to stay at my house. I didn't know then if he would be here for a few days, months or years. I had mixed feelings back then. I fully supported all of the efforts to help his birth mother and allow him to return but I also quickly fell in love with him and didn't want him to ever leave. I look at him now as my 6 year old son who is here to stay and I am amazed at how he has changed and grown. Sure, we still have our challenges but the challenges are so much less than they were when he first arrived. His fighting spirit got him through some very difficult times when he was a baby and have helped him to be resilient and thrive as a young boy. I know there will be challenges ahead but I also know there will be many more wonderful times with a truly amazing young man.

Here are 6 things I love about Matthew. I could fill up pages of things but I will limit myself to 6 since it is his 6th birthday.

1) Matthew's smile. I know I don't need to worry as long as Matthew has that smile on his face. Even when he is in trouble, he is usually smiling and having fun.

2) Matthew's sense of humor. Matthew can make even the grumpiest people laugh.

3) Matthew's resilience. The kid never lets anyone get him down for more than a few minutes. I have never known him to be grumpy for more than about 10 minutes.

4) Matthew's enthusiasm. Matthew has never been a kid to settle for "good enough." If he decides to do something he does it all the way. Whether it is painting a picture, writing a story or learning to ride his bike. He won't quit until he gets it just right.

5) Matthew's brotherly love. There is no one Matthew loves more than his brother and no one who cares about him more. Matthew is always happiest when he is with his brother. It doesn't matter if they are fighting, playing or scheming together.

6) Matthew's compassion and love. Matthew just wants to have fun and he wants other people to have fun with him.

Ethiopian Camp Plans

Parents who don't adopt from other countries, cultures or nationalities may not realize how important culture camp is. It's hard to explain or completely understand how important it is until you see the look on a child's face as they explain to others what it means to be from their culture. I see the pride when my children talk about Ethiopia or share an Ethiopian story with their friends. Even my youngest son (who was born in the US) is proud of his brother's Ethiopian heritage and used to try to convince people he was also born in Ethiopia. Jacob could find Ethiopia on a map when he was 3 and both of my kids can tell you what time it is in Ethiopia.

So why is culture camp a priority? After all, my kids are already proud of our connection to Ethiopia. Here are some reasons.

1) Other families that look like ours. It is one of the few places we go where Matthew is in the racial minority and almost all of the families are multiracial.

2) We aren't a conspicuous family where people make assumptions about us based on our different skin colors. Everyone knows we are a family formed by adoption and celebrates it with us. We don't have to fight stereotypes or respond to people asking questions about if Jacob is Matthew's friend and how great it is that he gets to spend so much time with him. They all know the kids are brothers.

3) We see adults, children and teenagers who were born in Ethiopia and who all love the culture and country. There is no better way to learn about another country and culture than to hear about it from people who have lived there.

4) Everyone there is learning from each other. We are all there for the same reasons. To make friends, learn about Ethiopia and have fun.

5) No negative stereotypes. My children are exposed to the same media that everyone else is. Pictures of children starving, reports of disease and comments from people who have no understanding but are quick to judge people who live differently than the  way we live in the USA. At camp, everyone is accepting and loves Ethiopia and the information shared is based on facts and not stereotypes. We leave camp proud of Ethiopia and ready to share and educate others when they make comments based on media reports and not true life.

6) We leave camp with new friends, stronger connections to old friends and a reminder of how lucky we are to have been touched by Ethiopia. Not too mention on blessed we are to be a family.

There are camps and organizations around the country. None of the camps are cheap but the lessons we learn are priceless. I encourage anyone who's family has children from different cultures or countries to look into a cultural camp near you. Or even one you can travel to. You will not be sorry.

Chicago

Spring Is Finally Here!

Everyone has been complaining lately about the Spring that seems to be hiding. What we seem to forget is that Winter did not come until almost December making this winter not really any longer than any other. Yet I am anxious for warmer weather just like everyone else.

Last week was Spring Break at our house. It's been a lot of fun and a nice break from the regular routine. We have been spending most of our time right around our home. We went to the book store and library to find some new books to read. Matthew recently started bringing home books to read and sight words to memorize so we are now reading 20 minutes a day which means we need books to choose from.

Thursday we went to the Field Museum in Chicago. I am now a firm believer that the Illinois legislature does not like tourists. It cost over $12 in tolls just to get to the suburbs and that doesn't count the tolls we paid after we met a friend and used her IPass. Then there is the cost of parking down town and the overnight road construction that started at 7 when it wasn't even dark yet. Our 2 hour trip to our friend's house turned into a 4 hour trip home because of the construction. Yet we still had a good time when we weren't driving. The kids really enjoyed seeing the mummies and I enjoyed the dinosaurs.

Yesterday I finally started cleaning out the boys' bedrooms. I finished Jacob's and plan to start Matthew's today. We started collecting toys 6 years ago. Jacob began to outgrow the preschool toys 2 years ago but Matthew was still really enjoying them. Then grad school got crazy and there was absolutely no extra time to spend cleaning out and organizing the boys' rooms so the toys have gotten out of control. My goal is to have both rooms completely cleaned out by the end of the weekend. Then I can start cleaning out the rest of the house next week.

Not bad for one week of vacation. We have another vacation in June and probably won't go anywhere for more than a couple of days then either. Maybe I can get the rest of the house cleaned then.

Reading Progress!!!!

Guess who read a book in Spanish last night! I was very proud of him. It is really hard to learn to read in a language that you are just learning to speak. I met with Matthew's teacher a couple of weeks ago and she stated he was having trouble reading. I watched him in class and noticed that he wasn't reading the sight words as quickly as the teacher was showing them and although he was looking in her general direction, he didn't seem to be looking at the words. I asked his teacher if there was anything I could do at home and she stated she would begin sending books home in about a month.

A month is a long time for a young boy to wait to get individual attention in reading. I have never been good at just patiently waiting for my children's teachers to decide they are ready to teach something and have always tried to find ways to supplement the children's education. I just get frustrated trying to help Matthew because his curriculum is in Spanish and there isn't very much available.

I found a book store that had some easy reader books in Spanish and spent way too much money on books. I took some of Matthew's worksheets at school and began working with him at home on reading and writing his "sight words" and he picked them up almost immediately. I also started reading to him at home almost every night from the Spanish books. Yesterday Matthew picked up one of the easier books and started to read it to me before I could start reading to him. He got stuck a few times on the bigger words but overall knew most of the words. I started working with him on looking at the word and picture when he gets stuck instead of just guessing any word that starts with the same letter and he did even better.

It was a huge relief to see him reading on his own and seeing that he will be able to pick up reading quickly once the teacher starts sending books home. We will keep reading at home and I recently started working with him on math to build his number line. He went from struggling to read the numbers in the teens to being able to read them and put them in order forward and backward within 2 practice sessions.

Matthew may still qualify for summer school especially since he is just learning Spanish but he is making significant progress with just a little extra attention. His biggest challenge continues to be having a very limited Spanish vocabulary but that will change as he speaks Spanish and hears Spanish more.

Dreaming of Summer

Matthew returned from school yesterday freezing. He was wearing shorts, a sleeveless shirt and his winter coat. I immediately asked him where his pants and sweatshirt were since that it was he had on when he left for school. He stated he took them off at school as soon as he got there. He then spent the rest of the day freezing because he didn't want to wear his pants or sweatshirt. The high yesterday was 15 degrees.

All I can say is ugh!!! I also told him it is still January and he needs to save the shorts for basketball on Saturdays and Summer. He wrapped up in 2 blankets and tried to convince me he wasn't cold in his shorts. It didn't work. While I believe in natural consequences, a kindergartner wearing shorts in the middle of winter is not okay. Hopefully, this is the last time we will have to have this conversation. Or at least until he is in high school.

Report Card Time Again

Our school district doesn't distribute reports cards until 2nd quarter of the school year. It drives me nuts. The 1st quarter parents meet with teachers to discuss progress. This leaves the perspective of if the child is performing as well as they should be to the teacher and doesn't allow the parent to be able to decide if it meets the parents expectations. I am one of those parents that looks at my children's work whenever they bring it home and stays in frequent contact with teachers but still wants to know what the report card says.

Jacob and Matthew both did very well. Matthew is learning in Spanish and so I expect his grades to be slightly lower due to needing to learn Spanish as well as writing, reading and math. The children in his program eventually catch up academically and I just have to be patient. His teacher told me that he was struggling a little bit due to not having a large enough Spanish vocabulary so we have started working with flashcards and reading more books in Spanish. I have seen steady improvement.

Jacob did better than I expected. I spoke to his teacher about 2 weeks ago. She hadn't started assessments and testing yet but wanted to warn me that his grades might be lower than last year (mostly reading and writing). The district is using new standards that are much more difficult. There was also an article in the paper earlier this year stating that children's report card scores would be lower due to the new standards. I am all for asking more of our children so I don't have a problems with higher standards. His scores actually improved over last year.

I am a strong believer that parents need to have high expectations for their children and be involved in their educations. I don't think parents need to be "tiger parents" and demand perfection but I do think children should be encouraged to do their very best. Whatever their very best is. I know for Jacob that means performing mostly above grade level and anything in reading or math that is not above grade level is something he can work on a little more. That doesn't mean we sit at home and run math drills for hours every night but it means we work on fun math games and have reading and writing time at home. For Matthew, it means working on learning to speak and understand Spanish through fun Spanish programs on the computer, reading Spanish books and working on Spanish flashcards to increase vocabulary.

We work for about 15 minutes at a time about 3 times a week. Pretty much, any night we are home before 8:00 we work on reading or math for a few minutes. That works well for us. I don't force it on nights we have other activities since bedtime here is 8:30 and I don't want the kids to be tired the next day. They won't learn as much if they are tired and that 15 minutes will not have helped.

Education is extremely important in my home. Not only do I want to have the children performing well enough to get into private school later if we want, but they are going to college. It's not a choice. I want them to be able to get in to any school (within reason) they choose and that means having a good educational foundation now. It's my responsibility as a parent to make sure that what we do now will not limit their opportunities in the future. That means getting a good education now so they can use that foundation later.

All In His Head

I know my children are intelligent. I have no question about that. Or at least they are both as intelligent as most other children. I see it every day when I practice reading or work on flash cards with them. Yet sometimes I wonder what that really means.

Matthew's latest line is that he can do things in his head only. I am amazed at what he can do in his head only but not out loud for anyone else. Here are some examples:

-Matthew has some beginning reader books at school. When asked if he can read the words (they are in Spanish and he is still learning the language), he stated "only in my head." I asked if he reads them to his teacher and he stated "No. I can't read them out loud. Only in my head."

-Matthew checked out an adult level Star Wars novel from his school library. When asked why he chose that book he stated, "So I can read it." I explained that it was a little too long for me to read it to him in a week. He stated, "No. I can read it to myself." I asked him to show me and he stated, "I can only do it in my head."

-Matthew is convinced he swims well enough to join swim team. I asked him to show me that he can swim the length of the pool. He stated, "I can only do it in my head." I told him he will need to be able to show me outside of his head and in the pool before he can join the team.

Matthew is a smart kid and reading will come to him. He is in a dual language program where they teach literacy in Spanish. Since Matthew is just beginning to learn Spanish, he doesn't always know what the word he is reading means so picture clues don't really work. He can read many of the words for objects he knows such as colors, numbers and a few items he uses every day. The rest will come as his Spanish improves. He does understand a lot more Spanish than I thought he would at this time. I speak Spanish to him occasionally at home and he seems to understand a lot of what I say. The reading will come. The experts state the children should be caught up by the end of 3rd grade and most are advanced in reading by the end of 5th grade with the goal that the children will be fluent in English and Spanish by the end of 5th grade. Matthew is in kindergarten so we have a few years to wait to see what happens. Of course, I will continue to work with him over the next few years and he has an amazing teacher who will also continue to work with him.

A Look Back At 2012

Every year is full of ups and downs. There have been studies that show that people who concentrate on the positive or are more optimistic are happier and more grateful. Everyone has things in their lives they wish they could change and we all have days that are better than others. Yet every day is a blessing from God and a reason to celebrate. Even when it doesn't necessarily feel like the day was great or those (hopefully rare) days that you wish you could forget.

In honor of 2012 here is a list of our highlights (in no particular order).

1) Matthew graduated from 4K. Finally our days of paying full-time child care for an infant, toddler or preschooler are over. Matthew did great in 4K.

2) Jacob made swim team. This was a huge accomplishment. He could barely swim the length of the pool in August and worked extremely hard to improve his swimming ability so that he could make the team in September. I have never seen him work so hard or try to hard as he did during tryouts. He made the team and can now swim many laps without stopping.

3) Matthew was promoted to 6 year old swimming lessons. He showed great improvement in December and was moved up to the "big kid" lessons. This was not only due to his improved swimming abilities but also improved behavior and maturity during lessons.

4) Jacob and Matthew learned how to ice skate and got the chance to participate in hockey lessons. This will be a one year only experience since hockey is expensive and the kids have other sports they like just as much.

5) Matthew got to play t-ball after watching his brother play t-ball for the past 3 years. He loved it and was doing really well by the end of the season. He is already looking forward to playing again next year.

6) I got the chance to coach Jacob and Matthew in soccer. I have very limited experience in soccer but I don't need much at this age level.

7) Matthew was accepted into a dual language charter school and loves it. He speaks Spanish most of the day and has been learning a lot.

8) I received a Master's Degree in Social Work. This was a major accomplishment. I thought about quitting several times over the past 3 years but was able to finish it. I now have a social work degree that I can use in my current job or in any other state if I ever want to move or change jobs.

9) Jacob and Matthew have had a great start to kindergarten and 1st grade. Matthew has had a few difficulties over the past few weeks but overall has done very well. Both kids are ahead of grade level in Math and are doing very well academically which is most important to me.

10) We made it through the year healthy. We had a few ups and downs health wise. I made my first trip to the ER as a parent when Jacob was poked in the eye and it was scratched enough to bleed. It was an accident but still pretty traumatic. Matthew was sent home from school early after putting a hood over his head and then walking into a wall trying to be silly. He ended up biting through his lip. No stitches but lots of blood and a very fat lip that is still healing. No broken bones, serious injuries, serious illness and no stitches yet so I call this year a huge success. With my boys, every day without a broken bone is a day to celebrate.

Week of Ups and Downs

It has been a week full of life's ups and downs yet overall it was mostly good. Here is a quick recap of our adventures this week.

Monday: We got to spend a nice quiet evening at home. We really don't have too many of these so it is nice when they come along. I am having a lot of trouble keeping up at work right now so I was able to spend some time working at home while my kids watched TV and played quietly.

Tuesday: I went on a field trip with Matthew's kindergarten class. I always enjoy watching my kids play with other kids and listening to their conversations. Matthew's class amazed me with how well behaved they were. There was actually only one child in all 3 kindergarten classes that got in trouble during the field trip and even he didn't get in any major trouble. Pretty amazing for a public school in larger city. Matthew picked out a green pumpkin and we are trying to decide what to do with it.

Wednesday: Another busy day. Jacob had an early swim team practice and we got home shortly before Matthew's day care bus arrived. We then went to dinner with a good friend who is expecting her first child in December. I always enjoy spending time with her and just wish we were able to spend more time together.

Thursday: What a day! Matthew was really excited about a family party at day care and really wanted me to attend. I was really looking forward to it until nothing would go my way at work. I was sure I was going to be lucky to be home by bedtime much less in time for a party. I called my mom and was very glad when she said she would take Jacob to practice and go to the party with Matthew. Things finally started to go my way at the end of the day and I made it to Matthew's party about half an hour before it ended. I was just in time to enjoy a taco and watch the kids break a pinata. I was then able to greet Jacob after practice and watch Matthew in his karate class before we went home for a quick dinner and bedtime.

Friday: I was very glad to see the week come to an end. I was still feeling a lot of stress about issues a work but knew that it was time to relax and leave it behind. We went to a Halloween party at the Y where the kids dressed as firefighters and played games. They had a great time until about half an hour before the party ended. Matthew was just a little too tired after a full week of school, day care and activities. We ended up leaving a little early but overall it was a great night.

Saturday: Saturday was just crazy but also a lot of fun. We started the day by running out of cinnamon rolls before the last child ate. I had to quickly throw another batch in the oven but it made us a couple minutes late to football. I then found out pictures were rescheduled for that morning. Of course, the kids still had face paint that wouldn't wash off completely from the night before so they weren't really looking their best. The pictures turned out alright but I decided I didn't need to order any since we just ordered school pictures and the kids don't change that much in 2 weeks.

We left football and decided to buy Matthew some ice skates for hockey lessons. Lessons start next week but the kids both had ice skating lessons yesterday. Of course, my bad luck was continuing and the store was busy making us late for ice skating. We would have been about 5 minutes late until we hit a train that stopped on the tracks for about 15 minutes. Ugh! The kids only made it to about 15 minutes of their lessons. Oh, well. They still have one more lesson and then will start hockey lessons on Sundays.

After hockey the day went much better. We went to Schuster's Playtime Farm where the kids got to pet some farm animals, feed the goats and play on a giant inflatable pillow. Aidan was with us and really enjoyed riding on the tracter train. All of the kids picked out pumpkins and this time Matthew chose a white pumpkin. Jacob and Aidan both chose orange pumpkins. I bought everyone a carmel apple and we left the farm and corn maze tired but happy. We got home last night and just collapsed.

Today starts another week and I am hoping it goes well. We only have 3 days of work and school this week then we get a long weekend. I am taking Jacob and Matthew to a water park and hotel for 2 days and Aidan is spending the night next weekend while his mom works. We don't have a lot of big plans for the weekend and I am hoping we will have some extra time to just relax and have fun. And maybe mulch and rake some leaves...

Settling In

We have now completed three weeks of school. I am relieved to say we are starting to figure out our new routines and things are going really well. The morning routine is pretty much worked out. Matthew's school has a community breakfast where everyone in the school eats together. I love this idea. It makes sure that all of the kids receive breakfast, doesn't single out those children who receive free breakfast and helps all of the kids settle in and start their day well. The principal uses this time to recognize birthdays, holidays that students are celebrating and make announcements. I also like the community breakfast because it made Matthew's adjustment a little easier. Matthew has always started out his day with breakfast. He had breakfast right after he arrived at day care and last year his 4K class had a community breakfast together. Even his summer program had a morning snack right after the kids all arrived which Matthew thought of as actually having breakfast. He has learned that breakfast signals the start of his school day and is a nice way to help him settle down. Matthew has also seen food as a tool for feeling safe and secure so starting his day with breakfast with his class helps him to perceive his teacher and school as a safe place where his needs will be met. Jacob has decided that he wants to eat breakfast at school this year as well. This is a change for him. His school doesn't have a community breakfast so he has to get to school 15 minutes early and then can choose between eating breakfast and playing on the playground. I always give him his choice since school breakfast is really cheap but I also understand if he wants to play with his friends. So far he has chosen to eat at school which makes our mornings a little smoother and faster. My parents returned from vacation last week and we were very happy to see them again. I am always grateful for everything they do for us. Even just having their emotional support and someone to turn to when I am having a rough day and just need some support is really nice. The only part of our schedule that is still being fine tuned is after school. Jacob and Matthew started their after school activities two weeks ago but the schedule has changed a few times. Jacob had a field trip one afternoon and a party another afternoon last week so he had to change his swim team practices around. Matthew has activiites on Tuesday and Thursdays evenings so those evenings are really busy. They go pretty well except I haven't quite figured out the best way to serve dinner. I am thinking that these are great nights for crock pot dinners but I haven't found very many recipes that I am in love with. I plan to spend some time over the next few weeks experimenting with different dinners (crock pot and ones that are quick to fix) so that those evenings are a little smoother. I am enjoying being with my children in the evenings and not using babysitters at night. That is such a huge change from the past 3 years when I was in class or at my internship at least 2 evenings a week. Now I get off work and I know that I will get to see my kids. The only exceptions are when I have an emergency at work and have to work late but thankfully that doesn't happen often. We are still adjusting to the new school year but we are much more settled than we were even just a couple of months ago. I think it will be another month or so before we really get used to the new schedule and are able to relax a little more but we are getting closer. I still need to figure out some things like when is the best time to buy groceries and run errands but those are details that will get worked out as time goes on. For now I am just happy to finally be getting caught up and able to spend more time with my family.

Baseball Has Officially Started

MLB may still have a few days to the start of opening season for many teams but around here we are well under way. I have heard from Jacob and Matthew's coaches and Jacob attended his first practice yesterday. I am amazed at how much he has grown in the past year and improved. He is now ready for "machine pitch" which means no more hitting off the tee right away. Yesterday he was fielding grounders, hitting the ball when the coach threw it to him and throwing and catching the ball. He may not be ready to play in the big leagues (or even with the bigger kids) but he is doing much better than a year ago.

Matthew will be playing t-ball this year. He is excited and I am hopeful he will really enjoy it. He loves hitting the ball of the tee at home when we practice. I got his team roster yesterday and learned he is on the same team as Jacob's best friend from school. I am looking forward to watching all of the kids have fun and watching Jacob cheer on his brother and friend.

I will be playing softball in a Friday night league with a friend. It is a co-ed slow pitch league which should be a lot of fun. I would love to have some extra time to practice but just being on the team will be great. Between Jacob's games (3 days a week), Matthew's games (2 days a week) and my games (1 day a week) it is a good thing we are a "baseball family." Now to just find the time and money to go to a few Brewers games...

Spring Break

Spring is here and so is Spring Break. My spring break at the university was actuall school and my internship programming was running, I really didn't take much of a break. We really haven't had a lot of down time this spring and it has been very difficult. I work an intership 3 evenings a week and have class another night so really only spend a lot of time with the kids on weekends. Thankfully, I changed jobs last year so that I now have weekends off.

The kids and I have been doing pretty well considering that I have been extremely overwhelmed between work and school. The kids just go with the flow and enjoy spending extra time with my parents and friend. Last week was really the first time I have seen any real signs of stress from the kids and that was just some extra clingy behavior that I don't usually see out of them.

I decided to take most of this week off work. I have to go in 2 days this week when I am on call and there is some paperwork I am hoping to complete but I didn't schedule any home visits or meetings. I also have a paper due Wednesday night and class so I will have to make sure I get those things finished but I am sure that won't be too difficult.

My plan is to take three days to just focus on the kids and enjoy them. I haven't figured out what we are going to do all of those days. I received a request to go to the zoo one of the days if the weather is nice and hope to do that on Monday. We may just take a day to relax at home and ride bikes around the neighborhood. Mostly we just need to spend time together as a family.

Life has been hectic and very stressful lately so this week will be a nice chance to just relax and reconnect. Even if that means just laying in bed and watching cartoons on a Saturday morning. As long as we are together and slowing down, it will be a great week.

A Day Of Research

Today has been a day of research. Of course, I only got a fraction of what I need to do completed but at least I got a start on it.

I started the day with my normal Sunday morning quiet time with the newspaper. I found a program guide for the school district's recreation department. They had summer camp information in it. I had been looking into some different child care options for Jacob this summer but they were all about the same price as his day care. The school district's program is only a fraction of the price ($105 a week less). They have frequent field trips, weekly swimming lessons and literacy and math activities. Everything I was looking for in a program. The only draw back is that the program is only 9 weeks and there is no camp available for the first week of break. That shouldn't be a problem though. I can take a week of vacation in June (I didn't take vacation last year so I have a lot of time to use) and there is a very fun 2 week program at the end of summer with trips to a Brewers game and water parks.

I also completed research for my internship. The community center received a grant to develop a program for teen girls. Part of the grant is to implement a curriculum on pregnancy prevention for at-risk girls as well as one for teen moms. I actually found evidence based programs for both target populations. I don't know if they are exactly what the center was looking for but at least it is something I can suggest at the meeting next week.

I still have an application to complete for my research project which I hope to finish early this week if not later tonight. Then I can start on some of my homework for this weekend that I never got to. Ugh! I will be so happy when this semester is over. At least spring break is in just a couple of weeks.

On a more fun note, Matthew is continuing to amaze me. I received an email from his 4K teacher describing how he has become a real leader in his classroom and she has no concerns about his social skills or behaviors. She states he has made huge progress this year and she now has him helping her in the classroom and demonstrating good behavior for the other kids. What a difference from his first few weeks there. Tonight he was sounding out words and writing them the way they sounded. I was truly amazed. He won't be 5 until May but is well on his way to succeeding in school. I do admit I am relieved that school is going so well for both of my kids.

Valentine's Day Five Years Ago

Valentines day has never been one of my favorite holidays. Probably because I have spent most of them single and none of them in a committed relationship that I thought would become a marriage. Valentine's day is a reminder that I have never found that special someone and for a long time was pretty depressing.

Thankfully, that is no longer the case. I now love Valentine's Day. It is still not my favorite holiday but it is a day I look at with fond memories and a smile on my face. It was 5 years ago this Valentine's Day that everything changed. I received a phone call that my son was now mine. Legally. His case had passed court and the Ethiopian government had officially declared him my son. No one knew when I would be travelling for sure but we all knew it would be soon. A matter of a few weeks rather than an unknown number of months.

I will never forget coming home and finding that message on the machine. Then the next day I received another phone message stating that I would be travelling in March and meet Jacob on March 10. Wow! My first emotion was pure excitement and joy. I couldn't wait! I quickly began making phone calls to start to prepare. Then as evening fell and things began to slow down, I experienced the weirdest feeling I have ever known. The reality that I was a mother to a little boy I had never met who lived in an orphanage on the other side of the world. Was he really as sweet as his picture looked? Was he really as happy as he appeared? Would he scream when he met me? Would he want to be my son? Would I like being a mother as much as I thought I would? What if I hated being a parent?

I can say after 5 years that those questions are now all answered. Jacob is as sweet and smiley as those pictures showed him. He was also (and continues to be) much more mischevious and sarcastic. He loves to make people laugh and just his smile and laugh are contagious. He is as smart as I could have dreamed. He didnt' scream when he met me. He cried when I left him for the night. He wanted to be my son and I wanted to be his mom more than anything else in the world.

As far as if I would like being a mother? I don't just like it. I love it. Being a parent is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am now lucky enough to have two wonderful little boys who both challenge me and entertain me. Jacob has been asleep for 11 hours now. Much longer than he normally sleeps. Why is he so tired? Because he ran non-stop with his brother all morning, spent the afternoon with his Big Brother (aka mentor) and then ran all evening with friends from the Ethiopian community in our city.

I have loved watching Jacob grow and mature. He is now 6 years old. He can read, write and is great at math. He loves sports but loves just playing and running with friends even more. Everyone loves Jacob and I love that about him. I still remember the anxiety and worry I had that I had just made a huge mistake five years ago. I can now say it wasn't a mistake. It was the best decision I have ever made.

While Matthew's adoption process was much more difficult than Jacob's and he challenges me in different ways, his adoption was also a wonderful experience. One that I also worried about. After all, I was making a lifelong commitment to a little boy. Now I am dreaming about a third (and final) child to add to this family. The fears and anxiety are the same. Will I love this child as much as the first two? AmI making a huge mistake? Will I like parenting this child also? Of course, the answers are yes. Just like the first two times. My next child will also be loved and actually already is. I will love parenting three children just like I have loved parenting two. I love having three little boys in this house when I babysit our friend Aidan and I will love parenting three children as well. So when will this next child arrive, that has yet to be determined. As with all things in life, sometimes the best things come to those who wait and are patient.

Prizes and Surprises

Matthew loves attention and he loves to be silly. This often translates to lots of preschool drama and phone calls. I have been struggling to find ways to counter the phone of getting attention and making his friends laugh with my desire to keep him at day care and teach him that he needs to behave. I have tried many things but nothing was really working. I have now found the magic answer. A prize box.

Jacob, Matthew and I went to the store together last weekend and bought a bunch of little toys for a dollar each. I put them in a basket and told the kids they get them for when I catch them being extra good. The result? Matthew and Jacob are competing to find ways to get prizes. I haven't gotten calls from day care or school and both kids have been volunteering to do extra cleaning and chores at school and at home. Why didn't I think about this sooner? They will do anything for a prize!

So what was the surprise for me?

I got a new couch and a new love seat. I havde wanted to get a new couch for a long time but couldn't justify spending the money. Then I pulled on the edge of the couch to move it and a support bar broke off the bottom. That resulted in a broken couch and an emergency trip to the furniture store. I now have my new couch and I can justify it.

We Are Back Online

I finally decided it was time to get back on line and join the rest of the world. I have had the internet on my cell phone all along but I haven't had home internet since October. It was getting too inconvenient to try to always find time to go somewhere to pay bills, check accounts or complete any other work I needed to get done. I decided to get reconnected at home now that the second semester is starting and I will have a lot of homework to do online.

So here is a quick update on our family.

I am working on my last 2 semesters of grad school. I was suppose to start an internship two weeks ago but just got a placement last week. I have been in contact with them and got one hour in last week. Now I am waiting to hear back from them again so that I can start to get caught up or at least not any farther behind.

Jacob just completed his first semester of kindergarten. I am amazed at how much he is learning. He can now read basic easy reader books to me and continues to find math very easy. Jacob also decided to take karate lessons. He just received his first promotion to gold belt last weekend. He is very proud of it and hopes to be a world champion in tae kwon do someday. I am glad he is enjoying it but wouldn't mind if he found a cheaper sport either.

Matthew is doing well. He just finished his first semester of 4K. He is doing a lot better swimming and is looking forward to getting a little older so he can do a few more sports.

I signed both kids up for t-ball and baseball this summer. Let's just say we will be spending a lot of time at the ballpark. I think they will both have a lot of fun though.

I am still babysitting our friend Aidan on weekends. He is beginning to show his 2 1/2 year old behaviors but he is still very cute. He loves to chase Matthew and wants to do everything he does. Jacob plays with him also but the age difference is quite a bit so Jacob will usually get bored after awhile and go find something else to do. He almost takes over the big brother role of protecting Aidan and teaching him rather than being just a playmate. I think Jacob will be a great babysitter in a few more years.

I will try to post pictures soon. It is amazing how quickly everyone is growing around here.

Merry Christmas!

This year's Christmas has been wonderful in our family. We attended Christmas Eve services and everyone behaved very well (sometimes a challenge). The kids came home after dinner at my parents' and went straight to sleep. They needed to make sure they were sleeping well before Santa arrived.

Matthew was the first child awake this morning. He was up around 5:15 am. Normally, I would have sent him back to bed and told him it was too early but we had a special friend coming at 6 so I had to get up in 15 minutes anyway. I made him wait until 5:30 and then let him wake Jacob up so they could explore their Santa gifts together. Both boys have been good this year so their stockings were full. The only glitch is that the firetruck Matthew got was broken. Luckly, I know a store in the area that carries them and we will try to exchange it tomorrow. Other than that everyone got what they wanted. My brother even bought us an XBox 360 Kinnect so Jacob is no longer the only child in his day care class that doesn't have a video game system. Of course, I had more fun with it this afternoon than he did. Not to mention I got a good workout jumping while river rafting and playing a little football.

Our little friend, Aidan, spent the holiday with us as well since his mom had to work. It was nice having an extra kid around to enjoy. He kept sneaking under the tree and opening gifts when we weren't looking (he's only 2 1/2) which actually made it a little more fun. Of course, there were some presents for him as well so he had his own gifts to unwrap and enjoy.

We are now relaxing while the frozen pizza finishes cooking. Then we will probably watch the Packers beat the Bears and secure home field advantage for the playoffs (hopefully). I can't think of a better way to end Christmas (unless you are a Bears fan).

Favorite Fall Pictures

Here are some of my favorite pictures from this fall.

Reason To Be Thankful

Here is this year's list of reasons Heather's Growing Family is thankful.

1) Everyone is a "forever" member of the family. We all have the same last name now and are all permanent members of the family. No one is a "foster", "pre-adoptive" of temporary family member. We are just a family.

2) Jacob and Matthew are getting excellent educations and doing well. This is a huge relief for me. There is nothing more important to a child's chances at success and realizing their dreams than a good education.

3) Everyone is healthy. Thankfully, we live in a country with great medical care and we are fortunate to be able to access it.

4) We have enough food to fill our stomachs every day. Not everyone in this country or other countries has that. We are fortunate to be able to eat as much as we want every day and we are thankful for it.

5) For friends and family. Being a parent is tough at times. Being a single parent is tough at times. Family and friends make the bad days possible and the good days more enjoyable.

6) A job I love. Even my children will tell you I am much happier and less stressed now. I spent almost 10 years at a job that I really disliked for 7 years. Thankfully, I now have a job I really enjoy with great co-workers and supervisors. I no longer dread going to work or count the hours until I go home. I enjoy my job and find it much easier to balance work and family needs with a job I enjoy going to.

7) Our pets. Yes, they are expensive and get in trouble but we love them any way. After all, who better to snuggle with on a cold or sad day than an animal. Who better to lift our spirits than watching dogs run and wrestle or our crazy cat climb the ladder on the bunk beds.

8) Clean drinking water. I don't think I ever really appreciated this until I saw people living in areas where clean water was not accessible. Not just for drinking but also for bathing.

9) Education. We live in a country where advanced degrees and college educations are open to almost every one. Sure, it may cost too much and require loans and working part or full-time, but it is possible.

10) The opportunity to show my children every day that democracy works. They protested with me last winter, see the people collecting recall signatures and go to the polls when I vote. We have had many conversations about why people are unhappy and what they are doing to try to force change. Whether the recall is effective or not, the politicians have started listening and some of the outrageous bills have now been defeated. My children have seen that peaceful protests do work and that every one of us can and should stand up and make a difference in our communities.