What I Have Learned As A Foster And Adoptive Parent

I cannot believe I have been a parent for almost two and a half years now. It seems like just yesterday I was in Ethiopia scared to death and excited to meet my new son. Jacob was 17 months old and still had the little wobble that young toddlers have when walking and trying to learn how to run. I was worried he would fall down the stairs as he learned how to climb them. I still remember calling the hospital in a panic when he woke up at midnight with his first bloody nose. It only lasted a few minutes but it seemed like forever for me. Or the time I called poison control because Jacob found a long lost bottle of Tums. That's when I learned that a child needs to eat a very large amount before it is a concern. I don't remember the exact number but it was something like 25.

Now Jacob is handing out invitations to a party to celebrate his fourth birthday next month. M has been with us for a year and will hopefully be here for many more. I have learned a lot over the past two years and have a lot more to learn. Here are some of the things I have learned.

- Children hit there heads a lot. And live.
- If you think you're child won't say or do something. He will prove you wrong. Every time.
- There is no one in the world who can make me laugh like my children. Sometimes they make me laugh on purpose and other times on accident. The end result is a reminder about how much fun it is to be a mom.
- Children make you rethink every decision you have ever made and will ever make. They just put things in a whole new light.
- It takes about 1 month for a child to begin to feel comfortable in the home and begin to work through the grieving process to take place. It takes about a year for a child to actually be completely attached and feel like they have always been there (or at least in my home).
- The first 6 weeks with a new child are difficult. The first six days are the hardest.
- Children come up with some amazing stories and ideas. It is fun to just listen to them and even more fun to try to join them in their imaginary worlds.
- Three year olds know everything. Just ask them.
- All children can show great improvement in a short period of time in a stable and loving home. They may have permanent and long-term needs but they are also capable of great change.
- Neglect and abuse have long lasting effects but those effects can be minimized with a loving and stable home.
- Children are not responsible for the behaviors due to their past abuse and neglect. Parents must be patient and help them heal so that they can work on the poor behaviors.
- All kids deserve loving and forever homes. All kids have the right to be safe and feel safe. It's not always easy to make a new child feel safe but it is a great feeling when a child shows that they finally feel secure.
- Seeing a child with food issues throw food during a tantrum is one of the best feelings in the world. It means progress is being made.
- Looking at pictures and seeing how a child's smile gets bigger and his eyes brighter the longer he is with you is an amazing gift.
- Every day holds new challenges and even greater rewards. It is important to recognize the child's progress on the good days as well as the bad days.
- I love my children more than I ever knew was possible. Whether a child is with me for a few days or years does not change my love for that child. God sends me children to love and I will be forever thankful.
- Children grow up way too fast. So treasure every moment you have with them.

Tuesdays Activities

I had inservice yesterday. Basically we practiced driving squad cars around a race track, listened to a presentation on suicide and then practiced shooting guns for a little while. Nothing too strenuous but being outside all day always seems to drain my energy.

Our fabulous house cleaner came over yesterday and worked her magic. I always love coming home when I know she has been there. I had been meaning to shampoo the living room carpet since we are still housebreaking the puppy. He doesn't have many accidents anymore but I just couldn't be sure he hasn't had some that I didn't find. One of the nice things about small dogs is that their accidents are small. That also makes them harder to find if you don't actually see the event. The carpet is now drying and looks much better.

Jacob has been growing all summer. He is now about an inch taller than at the beginning of June. I keep thinking he will slow down but he hasn't shown any signs of it yet. Last night he ate a cheeseburger, french fries, apples, grapes, walnuts, yogurt for dipping, crackers and potato chips. A few weeks ago I watched him consume three large slices of pizza in one sitting. I just shake my head in amazement. I am not looking forward to when he is a teenager.

Jacob and M assisted me with vacuuming and shampooing by following me around the house with their toy vacuums. By the time we were finished, it was time for bed. Jacob didn't take a nap at school like he normally does and M was a little cranky so I decided it was a good night for everyone to go to bed early.

Sunday

How I wish I had pictures. I really need to get back into the habit of carrying it with me. Here is a review of yesterday even though I don't have any pictures to go with it.

-I worked during the day and the kids stayed with one of their weekend babysitters. The kids had fun playing in the yard. The dad kept throwing a football over the house that the boys would then run and try to find. Apparently they did this for most of the afternoon. I know they were still having lots of fun when I arrived to pick them up.

-We had our work picnic last night. I was tired and wasn't really feeling up to going. Jacob really wanted to go and it was free so I decided we would make an appearance. I am glad we did. Jacob and M got bubbles that they quickly decided were fun to pour out and use as soap instead. They refused to eat dinner since it was only about 4:00 so I let them fill up on popcicles and cookies instead. I know. I won't get any mothering awards for it but the boys had fun so I didn't really care. It was only one night. I really enjoyed the food though and left stuffed.

- We saw some neighbors we hadn't seen for awhile when we got home. I love summer and seeing neighbors outside. I'm not sure where everyone has been hiding this summer or maybe we just haven't been home to see them. Last night we were able to catch up for awhile.

- We headed over to my parents' house for a little while later in the evening. Of course, they were just getting ready to eat when we arrived. The boys managed to get enough food to create a well-balanced diet of hotdogs and fruit. Much better for them than what they ate earlier in the day.

- Jacob asked me to play a game with him. That is something we hadn't done together before. He always lost interest fairly quickly and would decide to play his own way. I would get frustrated and quit. Last night was different though. We played Candy Land and Hi-Ho Cherry-O. He managed to win at both without cheating. I was amazed at his beginner's luck and promised to play again soon. M had a lot of fun trying to interfere with the game by stealing pieces but eventually settled down to just playing with the extra cherries and buckets with Grandma.

- M had a great time working on puzzles with Uncle Chuck and then playing with a flashlight. It amazes me that his favorite toy is a cheap flashlight and not one of the more expensive toys that looked so fun in the store. Simple is definitelly better sometimes. I enjoy watching the many things he can play with a stick or with a flashlight. It really gives me a glimpse into his mind and what he is thinking. I can see why play therapy can be so effective.

A Great Message

I have to admit that we haven't gone to church lately. We have either been on vacation or at birthday parties for about the last six weeks. We were finally free tonight and I really wanted to attend. I am so glad I did.

Pastor Scott told the story of the disciples feeding 5000 men with just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. He reminded us that God will always provide for us and we don't need to worry about getting the things we need to do His work. It was such a great message for me to hear this week. I am nervous about beginning my internship and trying to juggle school, parenting and work.

At the same time, I recently interviewed for the exact job I want to get when I graduate from school. If I was given this job, it would mean that I would be able to delay graduate school until my children are a little older. I would also be able to use graduate school as my continuing education hours and most likely have my job be supportive and flexible (or at least more flexible than my current job).

I am very anxious to hear about the job. I should hear something next week. If I don't get the job, then I will begin my internship in just a couple of weeks. Another very scary new beginning. I am feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous about finding out if I have what it takes to be a good social worker.

It was so great to be reminded that if God wants me to work in social work and child welfare, He will give me (or help me learn) the skills I need to be successful. It may be through school or through a new job but He knows what is best for me. I just need to be patient and trust that everything will work out how it is suppose to. I know that changing careers is the best thing for me and for my children. I will be happier at work and the schedule will be much better for raising my sons.

Swollen Toes

Jacob and a friend were playing outside last night. They had the styrofoam and cardboard box from our new vacuum and were playing some kind of a game with the dog. I really didn't think much about it since they were playing nicely and nothing seemed wrong.

I called the kids in to the house to take the friend home after about 20 minutes. Jacob stated that his toes hurt and he wanted six bandaids. I glanced at his feet but didn't see any blood so I told him we would look into it when we got home. About an hour later, Jacob stood up in the driveway to walk into the house and began crying. He stated that his toes hurt very badly and he couldn't walk.

I carried him into the house and realized that the bottom of all five toes on one foot and one toe on the other were bright red and slightly swollen. My first thought was that he had stepped on something and was having an allergic reaction. I applied hydrocortizone cream but it just didn't have much of an effect. If anything, his toes looked more inflamed. I called the on-call nurse but she couldn't really offer any suggestions. She thought maybe they were bruised but it just didn't look like it to me. Especially since it was just the bottom of his toes.

I questioned Jacob several times last night but couldn't figure out what happened. This morning I finally asked him exactly what he was doing when the pain first started. He stated he was rubbing the edge of a piece of paper over his toes. Ah ha! The swelling was down this morning and I was able to see several little papercuts on his toes. I gave him some brand new cushy socks and told him to leave his shoes on today. I also suggested that he not rub paper over his feet and explainied that his toes hurt because of the paper cuts.

Hopefully his feet will feel better tonight. I am grateful it was nothing more serious and hope he learned a lesson from it. Similiar to when M jumped head first into a door and discovered that it hurt. I don't think either will be doing those things again.

Child Welfare Beginnings

I am now one step closer to beginning a new career in the child welfare system. I have always known that my calling is to work with children. My first major in college was elementary education. I took a part-time job in private security that eventually led me to law enforcement but my favorite calls are always those that involve children.

As the years have gone on, I have remained committed to children. I mentor three girls as well as have my own children. I love being a foster parent and have learned a lot about working with the children and families. The past eight years in law enforcement has helped me prepare to relate and understand the families in the foster care system. As an adoptive and foster parent, I understand the unique challenges that come with these unique parenting situations. I have been active in a single mothers by choice group and of course have experience as part of an multiracial family.

It seems only logical that my new career be in child welfare. I really believe this is where God is calling me to work. I could be wrong but I really feel this is where I belong.

I had an interview yesterday for an internship about an hour away from my home. I will be working as an ongoing social worker in the child protective services unit. Too say I am excited is an understatement. I want to start yesterday. I want to quit my current job and just volunteer there for as many hours and on as many cases as they are willing to let me have. Unfortunately, that isn't possible since I still need to support my family and have a source of income if M's case proceeds to an adoption.

For now, I am just enjoying the knowledge that I am one step closer to my new career. I will learn a lot over the next several months. I will qualify for my social work license at the end of the school year and have a lot of options. Until then, I am excited to finally be on the path I need to travel to make my life and my children's lives better.

Why I Am A Mom According To Jacob

Jacob and I were talking this morning about life in general. I told him that I was going to stay in bed all day. He stated I had to get up because I had an interview. I told him he could go for me. He stated, "I'm not big enough to work the computers yet." He then stated that I have to get up and be a mom. I asked him what a mom does. He stated, "You cook meals for me. I can't cook my own food. I'll get hurt." I agreed that I would get up and be mom. He then stated I am his mom because "Asnake (the orphanage director in Ethiopia) gave you to me." He stated that he wanted a new mommy so Asnake gave me to him so he would have a mom.