Jacob had an eye exam two days ago. I was told by the doctor that he probably has glaucoma. It is in the eye affected by his birth mark. I always knew that he could someday develop glaucoma in that eye but it still was painful to hear. His vision is still perfect in the eye so that was good.
We returned to the doctor yesterday and were told that it is most likely a kind of glaucoma that can be treated with eye drops. He probably will not need surgery and it is an easier kind to treat. Yeah! I was very relieved to hear that. We go in for an eye exam under anesthesia in a couple weeks to make sure it is glaucoma and that there aren't any other problems with his eye.
As much as I hate to hear a scary diagnosis like glaucoma, I am relieved that it can probably be treated. I am also very happy that the doctor caught it before Jacob's vision was affected. Who knows? Maybe he will be able to hit a 90 mph fast ball and be a major league baseball player after all.
Of course, prayers that the doctors are able to treat it quickly without surgery are greatly appreciated.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
WE WON!
I played softball for the first time in about 15 years this year. While I wasn't the best player on the team, I did make some good plays and got some RBIs. Last night was the championship for our league. We won 4-3. It was great to be on a winning team and winning the championship was just a nice way to end the season. We won our last 6 games and I was kind of sad to see the season come to an end. Only 9 months until next year's season begins!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Single Parenting Not Always Bad
Barack Obama has made the news lately calling for African American men to take parenting seriously. A lot of attention has been made to the fact that he is from a single mom. While I don't know a lot about his mother or why she made the decisions she did, I do know that single parents shouldn't always be discussed as a problem. Becoming a single mom is not a decision I took lightly but it is one that I am glad I made. My son and I are blessed to have each other and love each other dearly. Sure there are days that he wishes he had a father just as their are days I wish I had found the right person to marry. There were also days when I was younger that I wished I had a sister, lived closer to cousins, was more athletic, etc.
Ninety-nine percent of the time being a single parent does not affect Jacob and me. There are many benefits to having a spouse to help raise children but there are also many benefits to being single. I have met many women who stay in bad relationships because they are afraid to raise their children alone. Children need loving and stable homes but that does not always mean having two parents. They need a home that has enough financial stability to know that there will be food on the table, school supplies on the first day of school and electricity to turn on the lights.
For all of those people who are in bad relationships and afraid to leave or just considering becoming a single parent, here are some of the benefits:
1) You get to make ALL the decisions. Yes, it is important to have friends and family you can discuss these decisions with but in the end it is your decision. If you want to enroll your child in a program or make attending church mandatory, you can.
2) Your child will know at the end of the day that you will be there and that home is a safe place. While this occurs in many two parent families, it does not always occur. A single parent home is much better than one where one parent is always moving out or threatening to move out. It is much better than when a parent is constantly coming and going from the child's life.
3) You get to do everything traditionally done by the father. I get to teach my son how to through a football and hit a baseball. I get to take him on his first fishing trip and camping trip. I get to show him that a woman can fix an outlet, change a doorknob, mow the lawn and do all of the other things traditionally thought of as chores for men.
4) Your child will motivate you to take a good look at your family and friends and try to expand your social networking. I am always on the lookout for positive male role models as well as diverse activities. I want Jacob to grow up celebrating the different ways families are created as well as the many different cultures out there.
It is wonderful when fathers are involoved in their children's lives. Fathers should remain involved when they can contribute in a healthy way. The problem of fathers not supporting their child emotionally and financially does not mean that all single parent families are problems. There is a huge difference in a single mother without the means to support her children, without a good support network, and without stability in the home. That is not the life of many single mothers. Many single mothers work hard to produce a stable home with male role models and healthy adult friendships for the children. They have the money and careers necessary to have a stable home and provide their childern with what they need.
There are days that I need a break and a helping hand. That is true for all mothers. There are days that I wish I could spend more time with my son and that is also true for all mothers. Jacob may not have a dad but he does have an Uncle Chuck, Papi, male pastors, coaches, neighbors and friends. He will always have men around him who can teach him how to be a good man.
The problem is when children live in neighborhoods without men near them to show them how to be a good man. Who can't show them how to have a stable job because they have never had one. Who choose to be around people who abuse drugs or alcohol and teach the children that the way to make money is to commit illegal acts. Many of the children in these situation live with single mothers but not all of them. Some have fathers who are in the home but still make these same poor choices. Other children are living with abusive fathers who are teaching them that the way to be a man is to control the people around you.
These are the children who need the love and support of caring adults. These are the families we should be concerned about. It's not that they have a single mom. It's that they don't have stability and positive adult role models showing them how to be a responsible and good adult. How to behave as a man and what a good man is. Without this, these children are at greater risk of growing up to commit crimes, abuse alcohol and drugs, believe that everyone goes to jail and breaks the law and will believe that all men hit and call people names.
Let's not focus on the single parent family as a problem. Instead, let's focus on the abusive and neglectful family. Let's focus on the neighborhoods with crimes being commited daily in front of children. Let's focus on those families that are not showing the children how to be responsible and good citizens. Single parents aren't the problem. Irresponsible parents and abusive parents are the problem.
Ninety-nine percent of the time being a single parent does not affect Jacob and me. There are many benefits to having a spouse to help raise children but there are also many benefits to being single. I have met many women who stay in bad relationships because they are afraid to raise their children alone. Children need loving and stable homes but that does not always mean having two parents. They need a home that has enough financial stability to know that there will be food on the table, school supplies on the first day of school and electricity to turn on the lights.
For all of those people who are in bad relationships and afraid to leave or just considering becoming a single parent, here are some of the benefits:
1) You get to make ALL the decisions. Yes, it is important to have friends and family you can discuss these decisions with but in the end it is your decision. If you want to enroll your child in a program or make attending church mandatory, you can.
2) Your child will know at the end of the day that you will be there and that home is a safe place. While this occurs in many two parent families, it does not always occur. A single parent home is much better than one where one parent is always moving out or threatening to move out. It is much better than when a parent is constantly coming and going from the child's life.
3) You get to do everything traditionally done by the father. I get to teach my son how to through a football and hit a baseball. I get to take him on his first fishing trip and camping trip. I get to show him that a woman can fix an outlet, change a doorknob, mow the lawn and do all of the other things traditionally thought of as chores for men.
4) Your child will motivate you to take a good look at your family and friends and try to expand your social networking. I am always on the lookout for positive male role models as well as diverse activities. I want Jacob to grow up celebrating the different ways families are created as well as the many different cultures out there.
It is wonderful when fathers are involoved in their children's lives. Fathers should remain involved when they can contribute in a healthy way. The problem of fathers not supporting their child emotionally and financially does not mean that all single parent families are problems. There is a huge difference in a single mother without the means to support her children, without a good support network, and without stability in the home. That is not the life of many single mothers. Many single mothers work hard to produce a stable home with male role models and healthy adult friendships for the children. They have the money and careers necessary to have a stable home and provide their childern with what they need.
There are days that I need a break and a helping hand. That is true for all mothers. There are days that I wish I could spend more time with my son and that is also true for all mothers. Jacob may not have a dad but he does have an Uncle Chuck, Papi, male pastors, coaches, neighbors and friends. He will always have men around him who can teach him how to be a good man.
The problem is when children live in neighborhoods without men near them to show them how to be a good man. Who can't show them how to have a stable job because they have never had one. Who choose to be around people who abuse drugs or alcohol and teach the children that the way to make money is to commit illegal acts. Many of the children in these situation live with single mothers but not all of them. Some have fathers who are in the home but still make these same poor choices. Other children are living with abusive fathers who are teaching them that the way to be a man is to control the people around you.
These are the children who need the love and support of caring adults. These are the families we should be concerned about. It's not that they have a single mom. It's that they don't have stability and positive adult role models showing them how to be a responsible and good adult. How to behave as a man and what a good man is. Without this, these children are at greater risk of growing up to commit crimes, abuse alcohol and drugs, believe that everyone goes to jail and breaks the law and will believe that all men hit and call people names.
Let's not focus on the single parent family as a problem. Instead, let's focus on the abusive and neglectful family. Let's focus on the neighborhoods with crimes being commited daily in front of children. Let's focus on those families that are not showing the children how to be responsible and good citizens. Single parents aren't the problem. Irresponsible parents and abusive parents are the problem.
A Big Thank You
Jacob and I have been blessed with some very special friends. We are currently watching a TV given to us by a friend of my dad's. The TV is on a stand that a friend no longer could use. Yesterday, Jacob was able to ride his first 2 wheel bike (with training wheels). A friend gave us that after her grandchildren outgrew it. Last night he played on his Vsmile system. This is a video game system for preschoolers that works on colors, counting, alphabet, etc. I was hoping to get him one for Christmas but then we got it for free from the woman whose grandchildren are a few years older than Jacob.
As I look around my house, I often wonder how we can accumulate so much stuff. Then I realize that most of the things we have gotten over the past year and a half have been gifts and many of them used. I really appreciate all of the help that I receive from other people.
I would like to say thank you to the person who gave us so many children's books that it fills an entire book case. I don't know if we will ever read them all. A thank you to the neighbor who realized one tricycle is not enough when I have two toddler (when E was still here) and gave us a second tricycle. Thank you to all of the friends who see a need and fill it with their gently used things. Jacob and I are really grateful for the generosity. Many of the things we get are either good for his development or education. That is something that was very important to Jacob's Ethiopian family and is also very important to me.
For those of you with small children, look around. As your children outgrow their toys and clothing, see if there is someone around who could use them. If not, have a garage sale. While some of the people are professional garage salers, many are not. They are just people trying to find cheap toys and clothes to give to their children. I am sure that they will enjoy the things you can no longer use. It feels good to know these items are being used by other children and not just sitting in a landfill somewhere.
As I look around my house, I often wonder how we can accumulate so much stuff. Then I realize that most of the things we have gotten over the past year and a half have been gifts and many of them used. I really appreciate all of the help that I receive from other people.
I would like to say thank you to the person who gave us so many children's books that it fills an entire book case. I don't know if we will ever read them all. A thank you to the neighbor who realized one tricycle is not enough when I have two toddler (when E was still here) and gave us a second tricycle. Thank you to all of the friends who see a need and fill it with their gently used things. Jacob and I are really grateful for the generosity. Many of the things we get are either good for his development or education. That is something that was very important to Jacob's Ethiopian family and is also very important to me.
For those of you with small children, look around. As your children outgrow their toys and clothing, see if there is someone around who could use them. If not, have a garage sale. While some of the people are professional garage salers, many are not. They are just people trying to find cheap toys and clothes to give to their children. I am sure that they will enjoy the things you can no longer use. It feels good to know these items are being used by other children and not just sitting in a landfill somewhere.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
25 Things You May Not Know About Jacob and Me
Here is a list of things you may not know about Jacob and me.
1) My favorite color is pink.
2) Jacob's favorite color is green followed by pink.
3) I swam on the swim team in high school.
4) My favorite sport is baseball (I'm watching it right now).
5) My favorite team is the Cubs followed very closely by the Brewers. Yes, that does make years like last year and this year difficult. I look at it as I can't lose if they are both winning or playing each other.
6) Jacob will start kindergarten in 2011.
7) Jacob will graduate high school in 2023.
8) Jacob wants Uncle Chuck, Mommy and Papi to go to college with him.
9) Jacob still has nightmares that I leave him. I am almost certain this is related to his 11 months in the orphanage where nice people played with him but then left with other children.
10) Jacob loves soccer and baseball. He wants to play both when he is old enough.
11) Jacob and I both love to sleep in on the weekends. We usually get up about 3 hours later than we do during the week.
12) We have 3 cats and 1 dog. I love all of them but will probably have fewer cats someday.
13) Jacob is very observant. At his school's treasure hunt, he found almost all of the treasure himself.
14) Jacob still loves to pretend he is a dog. He will pretend to be other things also but a dog is still his favorite.
15) Jacob wants a girl baby. I don't care if our next foster child is a girl or boy. I also don't care how old it is as long as it is not older than Jacob.
16) We recently began attending a new church with Saturday evening services. We really like the contemporary style.
17) We are now a family match with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. That means Jacob is just as important to the match as I am.
18) I thrive off chaos and activity. I really do not like to have a lot of down time. Some relaxation is fine but not more than an occasional afternoon or evening please.
19) We have 5 carseats. All of which were purchased over the past two years. There is one for a child 5-40 lbs, 2 for a child 20-100 lbs and one for a child over 40 lbs.
20) We have at least a couple outfits in sizes newborn to 4T. We really are prepared for any child they place with us.
21) We were recently approved to be considered for a sibling group of 2 as long as one child is between 18 months and 3 years and walking.
22) I have been trying to become much more frugal. So far my success has been limited but I won't give up.
23) Unless I change careers, I plan to retire 23 years from yesterday. That will make me 53 years old and 30 years on the job. Yes, I will qualify for full retirement benefits at that time.
24) Jacob loves to pretend to make coffee. Since no one in our family drinks a lot of coffee, this must be something he remembers from Ethiopia. Everyone drinks coffee in Ethiopia and it is a major part of their culture.
25) Jacob's Ethiopian name and American name have the same meaning and his initials are the same as my dad's.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
A Weekend At The Cottage
After my recent posts regarding Jacob swimming, I thought it was time to take some pictures of him in the water. Our friends G and K rented a house on a lake in central Wisconsin. Jacob and I spent some time there this weekend. Jacob loved it and spent almost all of his free time in the water and sand. G is one of Jacob's best friends. He loves playing with her and they both get excited to see each other. They play nicely together and seem t really enjoy each other's company. I am sure that G is just as tired as Jacob is.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Swimming Amazement
Jacob amazed me and several other parents last night. We were at the city swimming pool and I decided to see if Jacob could swim without me holding him and in water over his head. Before you call social services, I was right there with my hands within inches of his body.
Jacob has been doing excellent in the pool. He has been floating on his stomach for a couple weeks now. Last time we were swimming, he was able to doggy paddle around the pool in a life jacket. So last night I thought I would see how he did without the life jacket.
I was amazed! Not only did he not sink, he is able to doggy paddle and swim about five feet before reaching for my hand. He spent about 40 minutes swimming between me, J, B and the wall. It was a great time.
Jacob has been doing excellent in the pool. He has been floating on his stomach for a couple weeks now. Last time we were swimming, he was able to doggy paddle around the pool in a life jacket. So last night I thought I would see how he did without the life jacket.
I was amazed! Not only did he not sink, he is able to doggy paddle and swim about five feet before reaching for my hand. He spent about 40 minutes swimming between me, J, B and the wall. It was a great time.
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