Ethiopian Camp Plans

Parents who don't adopt from other countries, cultures or nationalities may not realize how important culture camp is. It's hard to explain or completely understand how important it is until you see the look on a child's face as they explain to others what it means to be from their culture. I see the pride when my children talk about Ethiopia or share an Ethiopian story with their friends. Even my youngest son (who was born in the US) is proud of his brother's Ethiopian heritage and used to try to convince people he was also born in Ethiopia. Jacob could find Ethiopia on a map when he was 3 and both of my kids can tell you what time it is in Ethiopia.

So why is culture camp a priority? After all, my kids are already proud of our connection to Ethiopia. Here are some reasons.

1) Other families that look like ours. It is one of the few places we go where Matthew is in the racial minority and almost all of the families are multiracial.

2) We aren't a conspicuous family where people make assumptions about us based on our different skin colors. Everyone knows we are a family formed by adoption and celebrates it with us. We don't have to fight stereotypes or respond to people asking questions about if Jacob is Matthew's friend and how great it is that he gets to spend so much time with him. They all know the kids are brothers.

3) We see adults, children and teenagers who were born in Ethiopia and who all love the culture and country. There is no better way to learn about another country and culture than to hear about it from people who have lived there.

4) Everyone there is learning from each other. We are all there for the same reasons. To make friends, learn about Ethiopia and have fun.

5) No negative stereotypes. My children are exposed to the same media that everyone else is. Pictures of children starving, reports of disease and comments from people who have no understanding but are quick to judge people who live differently than the  way we live in the USA. At camp, everyone is accepting and loves Ethiopia and the information shared is based on facts and not stereotypes. We leave camp proud of Ethiopia and ready to share and educate others when they make comments based on media reports and not true life.

6) We leave camp with new friends, stronger connections to old friends and a reminder of how lucky we are to have been touched by Ethiopia. Not too mention on blessed we are to be a family.

There are camps and organizations around the country. None of the camps are cheap but the lessons we learn are priceless. I encourage anyone who's family has children from different cultures or countries to look into a cultural camp near you. Or even one you can travel to. You will not be sorry.

What A Weekend!

As many of you know, last weekend was Ethiopian New Year. It is now 2003 in Ethiopia since they follow a different calendar than we do. As part of my love for Ethiopia and commitment to teach Jacob about his birth culture and history, we celebrate the new year every year. I try to arrange for us to do something related to Ethiopia where I can teach him a little about his birth country and culture.

Saturday the boys and I went with our friends, Lana and Andrea, to the Milwaukee zoo. I hadn't been there in about three years so I decided it was time. We had a great time looking at the animals and talking about what part of the world they live in. We talked about the animals that originate in Ethiopia and a little about the land and how people interact with the animals there. Jacob enjoyed looking at the world maps and pointing out where Ethiopia and America are while I showed him where the animal we were looking at was from. It was fun to see him start to realize just how big and yet small the world really is.

Sunday we went to a gathering with the local Ethiopian community and Ethiopian adoption community. One elderly gentleman came over to say hi to Jacob and M. Jacob casually smiled, held out his hand and said hi just like he has been taught to greet adults. The man immediately got tears in his eyes as he bent down, whispered something in Amharic and gave Jacob a hug. Jacob hugged him back and thanked the man. I'm not really sure why the man was so touched by Jacob's simple gesture but I know we made his night and brought him a moment of happiness. I saw the man later just sitting and watching the children play. He didn't seem to speak much English and just enjoyed watching the children have fun. Of course, we also ate Ethiopian food which was delicious and Jacob got a chance to mingle with other Ethiopian Americans, young and old.

Educating About Ethiopia

I believe very strongly that Jacob has the right to know as much as possible about Ethiopia. I know I can't teach him about Ethiopian culture the same way an Ethiopian can but I do what I can from our mid-west home. Yesterday was a great opportunity to teach Jacob to have pride in his birth culture as well as teaching some area children about Ethiopia as well.

Jacob had a great time at school yesterday. His teacher talked to the children about Ethiopian New Year and Jacob proudly told his classmates about the holiday. They shared a special treat in the afternoon.

Last night we took our friend, P, to an Ethiopian restaurant. This was the first time that P had ever had Ethiopian food. She enjoyed the mamoosa as well as the different dishes we had purchased and shared. Jacob was very happy to see the owner of the restaurant and tell him that he was born in Ethiopia. He told the owner he liked doro wat in Ethiopia but did not like injera. This is a story that Jacob has heard many times in the past couple of years and he always follows it up with how much he likes injera now.

It was a lot of fun to watch Jacob learning more about his birth culture and beginning to be able to teach his friends about it. I also enjoyed seeing the pride in his face as he told people stories about his life in Ethiopia. We don't have many stories but we do have a few that I make sure he hears whenever we discuss his life in Ethiopia and his birth family (which we discuss often).

Prayers Needed

Jacob was born in the Southern part of Ethiopia. He still has birth family living there. I was fortunate enough to travel to this part of the country and met some very beautiful, happy and loving people there. I also met members of his birth family while there. This was by far the most difficult and emotional part of my trip to Ethiopia. I will never forget the faces of the people, especially children, I met there.

This situation is very bad there right now. People are starving and dying. I do not know how Jacob's birth family is doing and can only pray that they are alright. I don't want to think about what they or the other people there are going through. It is difficult to sit in my living room on the other side of the world and not be able to help. All I can do is pray and ask others to pray too. The following is a link to an article about the current draught and possible famine in Southern Ethiopia right now. As you read the article, remember that Jacob could have been one of these children.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24731042/

Learning About Culture

Discovering traditional Hmong clothing

Enjoying some Ethiopian Food

Many adoptive families believe it is important to teach our children about their birth cultures. I believe this is important and spend a lot of time talking about Ethiopia, showing my son books and pictures from Ethiopia, playing music from Ethiopia and eating Ethiopian food whenever we go downtown. We have been busy this week learning some words in Amharic. Although I wish I could teach him more and incorporate more of the holidays and traditions into our lives, I do the best I can as an American mom who has only been to Ethiopia once for a very short visit.

I also believe that children should be taught about many different cultures and belief systems. Of course, Jacob knows our beliefs and is being raised as an American and Christian. He is also being raised to honor, respect and appreciate other cultures. My hope is that he will grow up to be a more tolerant and well rounded adult who enjoys learning about our differences and is accepting of them.

The children's museum has a special exhibit this month teaching children (and adults) about Hmong culture. We were able to wear traditional Hmong clothing, see their money, cook "meals" using the rations available in camps, see traditional Hmong story cloths and many other fun things. At 2 1/2 and 3 1/2, I'm not sure E or Jacob really learned much but it was a start. If nothing else, it was a fun afternoon and a good beginning.

We left the children's museum and headed down the street to eat some doro wat, chicken peanut stew and injera. All of these are common foods in Ethiopia and foods that I ate while there. Injera is a very unique tasting flat bread. It has a kind of vinegar taste to it and does take a few tries to get used to. I was amazed to find that E loved it. I tend to eat a little of Jacob's and then eat rice. That is the only "americanized" change I make. I am getting used to injera and enjoying it more than I did a year ago. Maybe someday I will be able to stop ordering the rice.

Remembering Amharic

I have been trying to help E learn some Spanish words as well as teach her about her Mexican ancestory. As I was reading a Dora book and making E repeat some of the Spanish, I thought about Amharic. Amharic is the language spoken in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and the language spoken at the orphanage Jacob lived at for 11 months. It is not the language his birth family spoke (Ethiopia has over 80 spoken languages) but it is the official language and one he knew.

Jacob probably knew quite a bit of Amharic when he came home. I only recognized a couple of words but I know he said many more. I did not believe he remembered any except cah cah (it has the meaning most of you will think of). The only other word I recognized in Ethiopia was Wusha. This means dog and he would become excited and yell it whenever he saw a dog. I hadn't heard him say it in months.

Tonight I found some basic Amharic words on the internet. I decided to begin studying them and see if we could incorporate any of them in our daily lives. I asked Jacob if he knew what Wusha meant. He yelled "Doggy! Wusha!" I tried a couple of other words and he could easily pronounce them but didn't know what they meant. E had a harder time pronouncing them and Jacob could say them better than me. I think the language is still familiar to him although he doesn't understand it anymore. I would love to know how many words he does know. I am very happy he still remembers a couple.

As I try to raise money for another adoption, Jacob and I will work on his Amharic. It would be nice if he could say ahmahseganahlo (thank you) when he returns to Ethiopia.

Ethiopia Last Year

On March 10, 2008, I met my son for the first time. His social report had reported him as shy around strangers. I was sure that he would cry if I moved too fast. I arrived at the care center at around 9:30 AM with my parents and the other families meeting their children. They told us they would take us one at a time to meet our children so that they could video tape it.

I anxiously waited to meet my son. Two families were called and quickly walked away. Finally, my son's name was called. As I walked out of the building with my parents and the social worker, I began scanning the children's faces trying to figure out which one was my son's. I saw a child who looked similar in a nanny's arms and wondered, "Is that him?!?" The social worker continued to walk by though without stopping.

We walked over to where the toddlers were sun bathing but I did not see any child who looked like mine. I waited patiently as the social worker asked the nanny where my son was. The nanny we had walked by walked over and placed Jacob in a chair. She began pointing and saying , "Mommy! Mommy!" Jacob watched me with a curious eye sitting absolutely still.

I slowly walked over and began talking quietly to Jacob. The social worker told me to pick him up and look at the camera. I was nervous. After all, I didn't want to scare him by moving too quickly. I did as I was told and Jacob didn't fight or cry. He put an arm on my shoulder and began to play with my name tag. A little girl sitting next to us took Jacob's shoe and he let out a small protest. I reached down and retrieved his shoe. A look of relief came over Jacob's face as if to say, "finally, I have someone to help me."

Jacob and I left the group of toddlers and walked over to a small porch to sit and get to know each other. Jacob didn't want to leave my lap. He seemed afraid I would disappear. A nanny came over and picked him up. He allowed her to but kept looking over his shoulder to make sure I wasn't leaving him. I gave him a small bear and some banana flavored treats. It would be an hour before he would leave my lap and he never did move more than an arm's length away from me that morning.

About two hours after Jacob and I left, I was told it was time to leave. I hated leaving my baby but knew it was best to stay with the group and see some of the things in Ethiopia.

Two days later, we were allowed to return to the care center. I was the first one to walk up to the building that housed the toddlers. As I walked up the cement steps, I saw Jacob standing by the patio door to his play room. I approached the building and he began screaming, laughing and banging on the door. He was so excited I had returned! I entered the building and sat down in the toddler room. The toddlers came running over and began playing with my hair. A little boy gave me a hug and I hugged him back. Jacob pushed the little boy so hard he fell. Jacob then stood in front of me and kept all of the other children from approaching me. After seeing many other children come and go (he was there seven months longer than most children), he wasn't going to be left again.

I picked Jacob up and brought him to the van. We left the care center for the first time together and went to the guest house where Grandma and Grandpa were waiting. We spent a nice day together before returning in the afternoon. Jacob cried as I left him but was quickly comforted by the nannies. I knew he was in good hands although my heart ached to just bring him back with me. I knew that it was best for him to sleep in his own bed after experiencing the joys and stresses of getting to know each other.

That was one year ago today. A lot has changed but I will wait to summarize how our last year has gone until later. I will continue to reflect and remember one year ago as the week goes on. Stay tuned....

Celebrating Ethiopia and Adoption

I gave a presentation on Ethiopia and adoption at my church. It was a presentation for a group of church members over 55 years old. I really enjoy teaching people about the culture and history of Ethiopia. I want people to see the rich culture of the country and not just the extreme poverty. Hopefully, they will take the information and learn to appreciate the country. At least a comple people seemed interested in trying to find ways to help the people in Ethiopia so that is always good too.

Remembering Court

It was one year ago yesterday that Jacob's case made it through the Ethiopian courts. On the other side of the world in a different continent, country and culture, a little boy I had never met was declared my son. It would be a few weeks before I would be allowed to travel and meet him. I wouldn't even know that my case was approved until next week. Stay tuned for the anniversary of many important milestones in Jacob's journey to our home and family. It has been a busy, wonderful and blessed year.

A Little Disappointing

I just received word that all communications with Ethiopian birth families are being stopped. Apparently, this is an order from the US government in Ethiopia. I heard it is affecting all international adoptions and not just from Ethiopia.

This new rule is sad for all people involved in the adoption. I saw the relief on my son's Ethiopian mother's face after we met and she was able to see her son would be cared for and loved. I promised to keep her updated on Jacob and was really hoping to have an ongoing relationship with her. I still plan to bring Jacob back to Ethiopia when he gets older but we may not be able to see his birth mother now. This also is sad for all involved. His Ethiopian family will not be able to watch him grow through letters and pictures. I won't be able to ask them questions that I have or Jacob has about his family's past. Jacob will not be able to meet the person who gave him life and who continues to love him today.

I hope that this rule changes as time goes on. It is a huge loss to everyone and goes against the current beliefs in what is best for the adopted child. Time will tell. Jacob and I will still return to Ethiopia when he is older (assuming it is safe to visit there). We will continue to talk about his Ethiopian family, pray for them and look at their picture.

I continue to believe in ethical adoptions of any child who needs a family. I believe that all children who need a family should be adoptable as long as the adoption follows ethics and international law. If this rule helps to prevent unethical practices, then it may be a good law. It is still sad for those people affected but some bad practices by a very few people are even sadder. I continue to work towards a second adoption and will continue to advocate for all children. That includes children in the USA and children in other countries. For tonight, I will mourn a relationship that will not be allowed to continue.

Celebrating Christmas With Our Ethiopian Friends

Jacob and I attended the Christmas party for the Ethiopian community in our home town today. It was a great time. We enjoyed seeing some friends we hadn't seen in awhile as well as meeting some new ones. Along with all of the wonderful people, was wonderful Ethiopian food. I was beginning to miss it. We haven't been to the local Ethiopian resteraunt in quite awhile so we were missing it.

It was fun to see how well all of the children were doing. It was also nice to take another day off work and just spend time enjoying my son. He has really grown up in the past few months and I am constantly amazed by how quickly he is changing. I can see it everytime we see friends we haven't seen in awhile. He does better keeping up with the older children and can do more of the things the older kids do.

Letter To Our Ethiopian Family

There is often a debate in adoption about whether records should be open or closed. I guess I believe that they should be open in most cases. I also believe the birth mother/father should be allowed to have the records sealed if they choose. For all those potential adoptive parents who fear allowing a relationship, let me say that you owe your child all of the information you can find about his/her past. I believe that the fewer questions children have about where they came from, the better they will feel about themselves and their histories.

I was fortunate to be able to meet members of Jacob's birth family in Ethiopia. I promised them that I would write to them and let them know how Jacob is doing. They told me Jacob's story which I will gladly share with him as he grows up. He is a lucky little boy. He is loved by two families. One family lives in Ethiopia and one family lives in America. Our lives are very different but one thing is the same. We all love Jacob very much and want the very best for him.

I fulfilled my promise last week to write to his Ethiopian family. I updated them on how much Jacob has grown (8 inches in 8 months) and how well he is doing. I addressed the letter to our Ethiopian family because they are. One thing everyone agrees about is that our families are now connected. I have family here in America and in Ethiopia. I am honored to be able to teach Jacob about both.