Ethiopian Camp Plans

Parents who don't adopt from other countries, cultures or nationalities may not realize how important culture camp is. It's hard to explain or completely understand how important it is until you see the look on a child's face as they explain to others what it means to be from their culture. I see the pride when my children talk about Ethiopia or share an Ethiopian story with their friends. Even my youngest son (who was born in the US) is proud of his brother's Ethiopian heritage and used to try to convince people he was also born in Ethiopia. Jacob could find Ethiopia on a map when he was 3 and both of my kids can tell you what time it is in Ethiopia.

So why is culture camp a priority? After all, my kids are already proud of our connection to Ethiopia. Here are some reasons.

1) Other families that look like ours. It is one of the few places we go where Matthew is in the racial minority and almost all of the families are multiracial.

2) We aren't a conspicuous family where people make assumptions about us based on our different skin colors. Everyone knows we are a family formed by adoption and celebrates it with us. We don't have to fight stereotypes or respond to people asking questions about if Jacob is Matthew's friend and how great it is that he gets to spend so much time with him. They all know the kids are brothers.

3) We see adults, children and teenagers who were born in Ethiopia and who all love the culture and country. There is no better way to learn about another country and culture than to hear about it from people who have lived there.

4) Everyone there is learning from each other. We are all there for the same reasons. To make friends, learn about Ethiopia and have fun.

5) No negative stereotypes. My children are exposed to the same media that everyone else is. Pictures of children starving, reports of disease and comments from people who have no understanding but are quick to judge people who live differently than the  way we live in the USA. At camp, everyone is accepting and loves Ethiopia and the information shared is based on facts and not stereotypes. We leave camp proud of Ethiopia and ready to share and educate others when they make comments based on media reports and not true life.

6) We leave camp with new friends, stronger connections to old friends and a reminder of how lucky we are to have been touched by Ethiopia. Not too mention on blessed we are to be a family.

There are camps and organizations around the country. None of the camps are cheap but the lessons we learn are priceless. I encourage anyone who's family has children from different cultures or countries to look into a cultural camp near you. Or even one you can travel to. You will not be sorry.

Where Does She Get Her Money?

Jacob seems to be growing up way too quickly lately (well both of my kids if I want to be honest). Jacob came up to me last night and we had the following conversation.

Jacob: Where does Grandma get her money?
Me: What do you mean?
Jacob: She doesn't work anymore (she retired 2 years ago).
Me: She saved money for retirement and Grandpa has what is called a pension. It's money he is paid by his old boss after he retires.
Jacob: So they just pay him without him working???
Me: Yes. It's less than when he was working but they do continue to pay him every month.
Jacob: Are they going to pay you when you retire?
Me: I have a retirement pension and I also have been saving for retirement.

I'm not sure how much Jacob really understands but then I'm not sure how much I completely understand about pensions either. At least he knows that Grandma and Grandpa aren't stealing their money.

Special Weekend

This weekend is a weekend full of fun and excitement. Jacob started us off with getting his football pictures taken and then playing a fun game of flag football yesterday morning. After that we all went to Kids In The Rotunda for a fun concert. Kids In The Rotunda is a fun series of shows aimed at preschool and elementary school aged children. The kids really enjoy the shows and Matthew has really learned to love singing and dancing. He is going to be my little musician as he gets older.

As if that wasn't enough for one day, yesterday was the only day I had free this month to take Matthew to the pumpkin farm. I went with Jacob's kindergarten class last week but Matthew's class hasn't scheduled a trip so I wanted to make sure he got a chance to go. Jacob stayed with our friends for the afternoon and Matthew and I had some alone time at the farm. It was a great afternoon and a great chance to spend time without any distractions. Matthew picked out a very bumpy pumpkin for us and an almost perfectly round pumpkin for our friends.

Today we are running again. As I am sure you can imagine, the kids were pretty tired last night. They fell asleep within 5 minutes of hitting their pillows and slept in until almost 8 this morning.

This morning we are headed to church where it is new member Sunday. We are sponsering our friends, Cindy and Aidan, as new members. Jacob and Matthew can't wait to take Aidan's hand and stand in front of the church with him. I am looking forward to it also.

This afternoon my parents bought us tickets to see a play "ImaginOcean." I am hoping the kids really enjoy it. Then we are headed home to work on laundry and cleaning before Jacob has his interview with Big Brothers Big Sisters tomorrow.

It's another full and fun weekend. Sometimes I would like to have a weekend to just hang out and relax but then I thing about all the fun things we would miss. I guess I'll just pack up the car, take a deep breath and go have some more family fun. Life is good.

Christmas Photos

We spent Christmas at my parents' house with my brother. Everyone had a great time and it was a very nice day. M had so much fun with his new toys that he decided to stay home and play while Jacob and I saw Yogi Bear at the movie theater. Even two weeks later, M and Jacob are still playing with their toys and asking to stay home from school to play more. Their favorite toys are a motorcycle from our neighbor, a remote controlled crane and a garbage truck. Fireman Sam movies were also a hit.

Children Are A Reminder Of How Fast Time Flies

The boys and I are on day 4 of a 5 day vacation. It has been a nice vacation so far. We have been visiting with cousins we haven't seen in a few years and playing with cousins who we have only met once or twice before. It's great to be so near our family. If I could make the ideal life, I would live closer to my extended family but also live near my parents and brother. That isn't going to happen so I have to settle for just visiting them when I can. Which isn't nearly often enough.

We arrived in Searcy, Arkansas on Friday night and saw my grandmother. She is 91 years old and suffering from the beginning stages of alzhiemers but seemed to really enjoy seeing everyone. She didn't remember my children or recognize me or my brother on site but she did know our names and seemed to remember us when we returned to her apartment on Saturday. It was comforting to walk in and see her in the middle of doing her laundry and seeing how independent she still is. It is never easy watching relatives grow old but I am grateful for this chance to see her. M seemed to enjoy looking at her puzzle and was even close to putting a couple of pieces in. That kid is really gifted at puzzles and spacial things.

We attended my cousin's wedding Saturday night and saw cousins that we only see every few years. We really didn't have much time with them since the reception was very crowded and short but we did have fun seeing them for a little while. I sat looking at their children and was amazed at how old and grown up some of them looked.

Our next stop was in Bentonville, Arkansas to see cousin's from the other side of the family. We were blessed to be able to spend more time with them and really enjoyed just hanging out. We went to a pizza place called Fun City that was very similar to a Chuck E Cheese. We spent almost 2 hours there while the kids ran and played. It was great to give them that opportunity after almost 3 days of being forced to be quiet and not allowed to just run. The kids needed that break. We finished the day by swimming with our cousins at the hotel and then having a nice dinner together at Applebees. The kids were so tired that they fell asleep within 5 minutes of returning to the hotel.

We are now sitting in the hotel room watching TV and waiting for my other cousin to call. We are hoping to spend some time with her this morning before we leave for St. Louis late this afternoon. We will spend one more night swimming and then head home tomorrow. It has been a great vacation but one that was way to short. We will have to come back for another visit soon.

I gaze at my cousin's children and am amazed at how beautiful they are. I am saddened at how fast they grow up and how much of their lives we miss. I really wish we could live closer together and see each other more often but it is not possible. For now, I am just enjoying the time we can spend together.

Family Values

There are many areas of being a parent that is pretty much universal across all cultures. Most parents try to teach their children good morals and values. One of these values that is seen in varying degrees in many cultures and countries is the value of family. Someone once told me that friends will come and go but family is forever. I really do believe that is true. It is something I tell my boys often.

Jacob went through a short phase earlier this year where he would tell Jacob "You aren't my brother anymore!" any time he was angry at M. I would always respond that you can't choose your family and that family is forever. I also follow that up with only God gets to choose what family you belong to and he chose this one for all of us.

Jacob has now changed his statement to M when he is angry. He now puts his hands on his hips and states, "You're my brother but you're not my friend!" I guess I'm getting closer to teaching him the value of family.

Single Mom With Quadruplets

Both of the boys are at day care and I am watching TV while I work on laundry. There is a reason I don't watch much TV during the day. There just isn't anything decent on. Today I was flipping through channels when I found the show "Make Room For Multiples." The episode coming up was about a single mom who gives birth to quadruplets. Now, I can easily see myself parenting 4 children. Not just quadruplets. Twins yes but not quadruplets. This mother seemed to be handling it really well. She also had plenty of help during those first few months home. I am still amazed.

It is no secret that I have been thinking about having another child. I want another child. Probably only one more. At least is what I plan now. I have spoken to a fertility doctor about having a child by birth. I have done extensive adoption research in the past and haven't ruled another adoption out.

There are many reasons why I want another child. I want my kids to have siblings they can turn to for support when they are older and I am no longer able to be here for them. I always wanted more siblings when I was growing up and would love for my kids to have another sibling to play with and enjoy. I also just love being a mom and really enjoy when I have other kids in the home for respites and visits. I love having all of their laughter and playing with them. Yes, I would love to have fewer tantrums and sick days but that is part of raising kids. You have to take the challenges with the good days. As my kids get older and the maltreatment they experienced becomes more distant, I really enjoy all of the good times. I want more of those with more children. I have more love to share and room in my home. So does that mean adoption or birth? I don't know. I'm not even sure of the timing. I do know that I need to spend time examining all of my options. And yes, I am aware that fertility medications come with a 20-25 percent chance of twins. I'll take those odds. Twins would be a lot of fun. I just wouldn't sleep much for awhile.

Finding A Partner

Saturday was so jam packed full of activities that I couldn't imagine trying to do much yesterday. So, I didn't. Other than running errands and trying to get caught up on laundry (we didn't have a dryer for a week), we just hung around the house. The boys took long naps (over 3 hours) that actually made it a little more difficult to fall asleep last night. I had time to finally sit and think about some of the trials we have had lately. Life as a single parent isn't that much more challenging than with a partner but the big difference is that all of the responsibility falls on me and I don't have a partner to turn to for help.

I recently had a conversation with a woman about being a single parent and what it means to our family. Another person suggested (again) that I get married. I always have the same answer, that I don't want to. The reality is I would love to fall in love and get married. I just don't have the time to devout to searching for a mate.

Dating takes time and that is something I just don't have enough of. The little free time I do have I want to spend with my kids. That isn't to say I don't spend time away from them. I do. I just find that more than one night a week gets to be too much. They miss me and I miss them. I have yet to find a man who was willing to be involved in trying to start a relationship with someone who has to tightly schedule every date and can only see him once a week. Or even limit how long and often I talk to him since I am either trying to get the kids fed, entertaining them or putting them to bed. By the time they are both asleep, I only have about half an hour before I have to go to bed. I tend to spend that time finishing up a household chore or just relaxing. Not trying to put energy into a long conversation with someone I barely know.

I haven't ruled out dating completely. I'm still interested in finding someone special. I just know that it isn't and shouldn't be a priority right now. Maybe someday but not now. The kids want another sibling and I want another child. That child will come by either adoption or birth but will be the child of a single mom by choice. It's just the way it has to be right now. I will have plenty of time to date and find "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Good Enough" when the kids are older. For now, I would rather be with my kids and dreaming about child #3 (who will be my last kid."

Memorial Day Thoughts and Thanks

Today is Memorial Day. Three years ago, Jacob and I started a new family tradition. It was his first Memorial Day in the United States and he was a new American. I took him in his stroller and we walked about 20 minutes to the local parade. We bought breakfast at McDonald's near the parade route and ate it while we sat in the grass waiting for the parade. It was a great time and we have repeated it every year since then. It is why I try hard to get this holiday off work.

Memorial Day has taken on new meaning since I took my first international trip to Peru and even more after I became a mom. My first trip to Peru, I realized how blessed we are in this country. It is the land of opportunity. Yes, it is harder to succeed if you grow up in certain areas or families but I have seen enough people come from very difficult childhoods to be successful adults. Whether it was my friend whose aunt and uncle raised him in a low-income neighborhood and left him mostly unsupervised, my friend who was adopted from foster care at age 13, a fellow student who was severly abused as a child or any of the countless other people I have met, they all show it is possible to make your dreams come true here. It is a gift that many other people around the world will never experience.

I always get slightly emotional when the soldiers and flags go by during the parade. I remember all the blessings I have. I think about my children and how in so many other countries we would not be allowed to exist. Single parenthood is never tolerated and sometimes outlawed. In this country, I do run into resistance occassionally. People who think my children would be better off in other families. People who as why I "just don't get married." People who assume I am unethical and immoral because my children and I don't "match."

Yet mostly we receive support and love. Most people get excited when they ask about M's adoption. We have become somewhat of role models for other people looking to adopt children. A month doesn't go by that someone doesn't approach me looking for answers about foster care adoption or international adoption. Many people ask if I am done having children. When I tell them I want one more someday, they get excited and begin telling me where they think my next child should come from. At this time, I don't know when that child will come or from where. I am still waiting for God to tell me.

This Memorial Day I want to say thank you. Thank you to the civilian emergency responders who protect me and my family on the homefront. Thank you to the military members who protect us overseas and protect our borders. America is not perfect but it has given me more blessings than I could ever imagine. I love this country and am glad we live here.

Our Family Doesn't Match

Jacob had a confession to make in the car today. He is tired of people asking him if M is his friend. He stated he always answers that M is his brother not his friend but he still wishes people would just see that. Jacob also confessed that he wonders if we can be a real family if we don't "match." I responded by asking him all of the ways we do match. At first he didn't understand but I pointed out that our favorite color is pink. Here are other ways Jacob and I match:

- We both like the movie Cars.
- We both prefer gummy candy and fruity candy over chocolate.
- We both love baseball.
- We both enjoy riding bikes.
- We both love M.
- We both like spaghetti.
- We both like ice cream.
- We both love to swim and would live in water if we could.
- We both enjoy watching movies.
- We love to have "Idol parties."
- We both love to go for walks when the weather is nice.
- We both enjoy going to the park and playing on the slides.

There are many other ways that Jacob and I "match." We decided that what we look like on the outside isn't important. We match on the outside in many ways. We also agreed that matching isn't what makes us a family. It's that we love each other and are committed to helping each other. That is what makes a family and we are one. No matter how strangers may view us.

I am working on a photo montage to show how the boys have grown to be brothers. I plan to post it as soon as I am allowed to finalize M's adoption. It may not be for several months but it is my current project.

We Are The Truth

It just over three years ago, March 10, 2007, that I met my son for the first time. I had dreamed of becoming a mother since I was a very young child and the day had finally arrived. My son was being held in his nanny's arms in an orphanage in Ethiopia. He was quiet and calm watching as the nanny told him that I was his mommy. I remember being concerned that he may have anxiety being picked up by a stranger but he showed very little. I took him to a quiet place where we could sit and watch the other children. It took over an hour before he was willing to leave my lap and even longer before he would take his hand off my leg. When a nanny came over to pick him up, he kept looking at me to make sure I wouldn't disappear.

I didn't take physical custody of Jacob for 3 more days. During our visits together he was getting increasingly attached and would have more difficulty separating from me at the end of the day. It was heart wrenching to hear his cries as I would leave him with his wonderful and loving nannies. He was ready to have a family and didn't want to leave my side.

I will never forget the first night Jacob and I spent together. He was tired after a very full day and easily went to sleep. He slept peacefully throughout the night barely stirring when I changed his diaper. He woke up bright and early the next morning and slowly lifted his head up. He looked at my parents (his grandparents) and then over at me. We locked eyes and he smiled a grin that went from ear to ear. Three years later he still remembers that moment also. He tells me he was smiling because he was happy that I was still there.

A lot of things have changed in the past three years. Jacob continues to deal with the effects of being an orphan for almost a year. He occassionaly becomes angry that I did not come to get him sooner. He isn't old enough to understand that I came as soon as the government and courts would allow me to. He still has fears that something will happen to me and he will be an orphan. We talk about where he will live if I were to die and I promise I will be careful to live until he and I are both old. Those fears are still there but Jacob has learned that they are just fears. He has nothing to worry about and most of the time doesn't.

Today Jacob's days are filled with normal four year old fun. He attends preschool where he is learning to recognize letters and write. He has many friends that he adores including three "best friends" who are all girls. He is a great big brother to my foster son and proudly tells everyone about M's upcoming adoption. He has become a good swimmer and is excited to start playing baseball.

Jacob is well-adjusted and a happy child. He is very securely attached to me as well as to his grandparents, brother and uncle. He is proud to tell people he was born in Ethiopia and adopted by me. He wants to return to Ethiopia to visit but only for a visit. Someday we will do that.

For now, Jacob, M and I are a family. My children came to me through adoption. Adoption works. It is a miracle. God gave me children who needed families and my dreams of motherhood came true. If you don't believe me, look at the pictures. The following link will allow you to see photo montages completed during the past three years. Adoption works. We are living proof.

http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/my_shared?z=1cff238d35cdce62095bb3&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

A Look Into 2010

Here are some things I am expecting and anticipating in 2010.

1) Finish 2 more semesters of grad school. Hopefully do as well as the first semester but at least pass the classes.

2) Finish my internship.
3) Find a job in child welfare?

4) Get my social work certification. I will be able to get it in May and it should help with the job search.

5) Complete another adoption home study. This one will be child specific. I am sure you can figure out which child. There is a chance that I will be able to start it at the end of January. Fingers and toes crossed and a lot of prayers.

6) Jacob will finish 3 year old preschool and start 4 year old preschool. He may actually start to read some easy books this year :)

7) Matt will start 3-year-old preschool! I can't believe I will have 2 preschoolers next fall.

8) No more diapers! M should be toilet trained this year and I won't have to buy diapers anymore. Or at least for a couple years :)

9) Camping! I really do miss camping. I was a little afraid to take the kids last summer but they are both ready this year.

10) Jacob will probably pass the final level of preschool swimming lessons. He is close now and will then repeat the final level until he is old enough to start youth lessons.

11) Culture camp? I am debating taking Jacob to his first Ethiopian culture camp. If I have a new job that doesn't require weekends this should be easier.

12) Watching Jacob and M continue to grow and build a strong brother relationship. Adoption is full of miracles but the actual court ceremony is just a detail. The true adoption begins in our hearts. One day in court just makes what our hearts and souls already know is the truth. I have 2 sons and whether or not we are able to legally be a family in 2010 or 2011 the truth is already here. You can see it in the way my boys love each other and the smiles on all of our faces as we enjoy each day together. Becoming a family is a process. One that we accomplished in 2009. Now to get through the court process and convince the social workers and judge that we are.

What I Am Thankful For

I cannot believe it is Thanksgiving already. It seems like I was just outside taking the kids for long walks and swimming. Now it is colder and winter is only moments away (some say snow later this week). I wish the world would slow down and that time was going so quickly. Yet, I have a lot to be thankful for. Here are a few things I am thankful for.

1) My boys. Both of them. I love being their mom and spending time with them. Even on bad days.

2)That my sons no longer have to worry about getting enough food. We haven't had any gorging or other food related issues in over a year.

3) My loving and supportive family. I could never succeed at graduate school without their help.

4) Graduate school. I am very thankful that I was admitted and am succeeding. It is a ticket to a better life for all of us.

5) My internship. I love it. What more can I say.

6) Adoption. It gave me one son and someday might give me another one.

7) Foster parents. The good ones who truly love the kids and help them heal from their past traumas.

8) My children's teachers. They work hard each day to teach my kids and help them. I can see the results in the pride and joy my children have when they show me their latest art project or share their new knowledge.

9)My job. It's no secret that I am preparing to change careers in a couple years (or sooner) but I am still grateful for it. Good and bad days it pays the bills.

10) Food. We live in a country with an abundance of it. I have been in countries where it is scarce and will never be able to take it for granted again.

11) Clean water. It kind of goes with 10. When you have seen people struggling without clean drinking water it makes you realize how good you have it. And chuckle when inmates complain they want soft water and not hard water.

12) For all of those people who are positive role models for me and my kids. Most of you know who you are. We may not say thanks enough but we are always grateful.

There are so many other things I am thankful for. These are just a few. Please take a moment and think about your blessings. I recently saw a sign on a church in Rosendale, WI instructing people to "Count your blessings. Not your problems." Life really does look differently when we stop to realize how blessed we are no matter what challenges we may be facing. Watching my children smile and hearing them laugh are everyday reminders that what is truly important are the people around you not how many possessions you have, what kind of car you drive or how much money is in your wallet.

Happy Family Day!

Jacob and I celebrated his second family day yesterday. It has been two years since I took custody of him and he became legally and physically my son. What a two years it has been!

After work yesterday, I took Jacob and M to the grocery store. Jacob picked out cupcakes to share after dinner. We enjoyed a nice dinner with Uncle Chuck, Uncle Chuck's girlfriend Katie, Grandma, Grandpa and M. Jacob got to choose the restaurant and chose Outback Steakhouse. He loves their macaroni and cheese and the bread.

After dinner, everyone returned to my parents' house. We showed (and distributed) the photo montage of Jacob's second year home as well as reviewing his first year home (at his request). Jacob loves watching the montages and was a little disappointed we wouldn't watch it more than one time. We enjoyed the cupcakes and then headed for home. It was a great day to celbrate being a family.

I plan to post his photo motage here either later today or in the next few days. I need to edit it to remove images of the foster children before I post it here. Check back tonight or in the next few days.

I have many feelings and reflections about the past two years I want to share. I hope to do that in the next few days as well. My life (and Jacob's) changed forever two years ago yesterday. I wouldn't change any of it.

Meeting Jacob's Family

It was two years ago that I met Jacob's birth family. It was a day that changed my life. Up to that point in time, I thought I was pretty good at turning my emotions on and off when I needed to. I could set a straight face and then just wait until later to show myself.

That day I nervously rode the four hours down a sometimes very bumpy road. I was thristy but couldn't drink any of the bottled water we took with us. The roads were just too bumpy and the bottle and water would fly everywhere when I tried. There was dust everywbere and the ground was dry. The people all seemed so friendly. They waved happily as we drove by some yelling foreigner and laughing others just stopping to stare.

We arrived in the town where Jacob's family would be brought to meet us. I was anxious. Would they come? Would they like me? Would they demand that I return him to them? Were they happy he was going to America?

My fears were soon calmed. Jacob's family (I won't say which ones for privacy reasons) arrived to meet us. As soon as they saw me, they began crying. I wasn't far behind. I sat down and just let them talk. About thirty minutes later, we left the room. The visit had lasted almost twice as long as everyone else's.

I couldn't stop crying. Me. I almost never cry in public and I couldn't stop. I wasn't sure what to do. I did know that I had learned some very important things from people in a completely different culture and land than I had grown up in. I learned that strength is found inside and not shown without tears. It is deep inside of a person and shows when that person is called to do the unimaginable to help another human being. I learned that love can sometimes mean saying good bye despite every part of you wanting to say stay. I learned that birth parents (know matter how they came to say good bye to their child) love their child.

Mostly I gained respect and love for a person I had never met. I saw a lot of me in them that day. We had a similar personality which would explain why Jacob and I have similar personalities today. When I look at Jacob two years later, I see his birth family. I see their quiet strength. I see their overwhelming generosity and compassion when he is the first to share with a new child or to comfort a crying child. I see their beauty both inside and outside.

For anyone considering adoption as a way to form a family, I urge you to meet the birth family. Not to find out what type of genetic risks their might be or to confront them about the choices they have made. Meet them to get to know them. It will help you understand your child and the gifts he or she has inherited. It will allow you to give that gift to your child in the form of memories you have of his or her birth family.

To Jacob's birth family, thank you. You will never know the joy you have given me. I have never once stopped thinking about you and thanking you. You gave me your son. As I said that day, we are both now his family.

Family Day Anticipation

Jacob's family day (the anniversary of his adoption) is in about two weeks. He is getting excited. We will be showing his photo montage of his last year and having a family dinner. Uncle Chuck and his girlfriend will be coming which is adding to the excitement. The photo montage is on DVD and the online version (edited to remove foster children) is almost done. I plan to post it around March 14.

Jacob is excited. A couple nights ago he stated, "Mom, I want my family day to be already!" I told him it was only a couple weeks away. He replied, "But I want it now. I want it to be already!" I remember having that same excitement and wishing I had him "already" two years ago as I worked on packing our bags to go meet him. It is hard to believe it has already been two years.

Learning To Be Brothers

Five and a half months ago, M moved in. M had been the only child in his home and Jacob had mostly been an only child here (except for a brief time when E was here). M had no idea how to be a little brother and Jacob had no idea what being a big brother meant. Not only did they have to learn to share attention but they also had to learn how to share toys. M was only 15 months old and had never really learned to play with other children or interact with them.

I am amazed at the progress these two boys have made in a very short preiod of time. M will often go to Jacob when he needs help with things like getting a drink of water (I keep cups in the bathroom where Jacob can reach the sink and pour water). Jacob often runs over to comfort M when he is upset and will almost always give him a big hug when we pick M up from daycare. It has been a lot fun to watch these "only" children become brothers. M's future in our family remains uncertain. He is still a foster kid and human services is still hoping to reunify him with his mom. But for now, M and Jacob are great brothers. They love each other, compete with each other, watch out for each other and fight with each other. I couldn't be happier.

How Many Is Too Many?

A single mother in California recently gave birth to octuplets. She already had 6 children. Leaving financial issues aside, I wonder how many kids is just too many? I know of families that are very large and that it can work. I just wonder if having that many young children by yourself is realisitic. I am sure she will find a way to make it work, I just wonder how.

I often am left wondering how to manage my household with two children. A situation came up last week that had me thinking about how to add another child to the family. I found those answers pretty easily and hope that it is possible. My original plan is to wait until sometime late this year or early next year to accept another concurrent foster child. That will change if the social worker decides that I can have a special little girl in my home. I won't know for awhile if that will happen but I have figured out how to make it work.

The biggest challenge will be finding a minivan. I have an SUV now but it is very difficult to fit 3 car seats/booster seats in the back. It also does not have enough seats for taking the teenagers (J and B) to church on Sundays or transporting P to activities every 1-2 weeks. M will often take the opportunity to hit and scratch whoever is unlucky enough to be sitting in the seat next to him. That always leads to crying and frustration from the child being hit and M when the child grabs his arm to prevent another attack.

Please let me know if anyone knows of a reliable minivan or SUV with a third row seat that is affordable. I think I will be forced to give up my much loved SUV in the very near future for a vehicle with enough seats.

Oh, and a note to my family and friends. Don't worry. I know that 14 kids is too many for me. I am thinking more like 3 now and maybe in about 5 years adding a fourth. I really don't see more than that in my future and really don't expect to have more than 3 if number 3 is a girl. I liked the woman in California's mother stating she wished her daughter had become a kindergarten teacher. I don't think that would stop me from wanting more children but I do know that 14 very young kids would be a huge challenge.

Diversity

I was reminded last night how lucky I am to live in this community. I took 3 kids to the movies (see previous post). The children were white, black and hispanic. With 3 kids of obviously different races, I would expect to attract questions or at least some curious stares. Yet every time I take children from different racial backgrounds, I don't even get a second glance. The only attention or comments I get are from people asking if they can help me and comments about having young children. Yesterdays overheard comment was that I must be really brave to take three young children to the movies.

This lack of interest in our diverse family is not something I take for granted. I often read stories on other blogs or hear them from other families about their experiences. They often get questions that are not based just in curiosity and glances that are not just curiosity. As I wait to hear about graduate school and begin making plans for a career move (after the economy improves), I need to remember how comfortable we are here. With all of the multiracial and multicultural families here, we are not an oddity. Just another family with young children.

The only exception is at my church. I am known as the woman with all the kids. I kind of like that. And it does fit. I not only take my own two kids but also 3 teenagers with me. Sometimes, an extra child tags along and people wonder if I am fostering or adopting another one. The answer right now is no. I can't afford a minivan and I don't have enough room in my car for anymore kids. Maybe in a few years I can add another child to the family.

A Very Merry Christmas

I finally have a somewhat quiet moment in the house. The boys are up and playing which is why it is only some what quiet. I thought I would take a moment to explore my new computer and update everyone on our Christmas. You will have to scroll down to the entries I made Christmas day to see some pictures.

I was originally planning on working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I always ask off work for both of those days but wasn't able to get them off this year. I couldn't turn my request slips in until about 3 months after most of the people on my shift since I didn't move to dayshift until May. My parents were going to babysit the boys and I was dreading spending another holiday at work.

Those plans were changed on Tuesday. About 40 minutes before my shift ended, scheduling called and told me I could take Christmas Day and the day after off work. That was if I still wanted them. I quickly stated I would love to have them off. Not only would I be home for Christmas but Jacob's daycare is closed this week and I could spend some time with him and M.

Christmas Eve was okay. The service was fun except that M was very tired and a little hungry. He spent most of the service having temper tantrums in the cry room. Jacob really enjoyed the service though and particpated in children's time as well as getting a box of Christmas cookies at the end of the service.

Christmas Day was much better. The boys really enjoyed the festivities. This was the first year that Jacob really seemed to understand what was going on. He is normally fairly slow to wake up in the morning. I told him Santa had come as I left the room to get M out of his crib. Jacob jumped out of bed and beat me to the living room. Santa didn't disappoint them. Jacob received the firetruck he really wanted and M received the megablocks and Disney cars he has been eyeing at the store.

We went to my parents' house to open presents and discovered this was the year of duplicate gifts. I had made lists of gift ideas for all of us and left it for my family. Each list had about 15 ideas on it but apparently we all think alike. M received the same outfit I had bought him to wear Christmas Eve. Jacob had the exact same outfit from my parents and from me. I had been hinting that I needed new pots and pans and received sets from my brother and my parents. M also received megablocks from Santa and from my brother. It was fun to laugh at all of the duplicate gifts and play with the boys' new toys. Who new Playskool's ball popper could keep kids and adults entertained for long periods of time?

The rest of the day was fun and pretty much uneventful as Christmas should be. I ventured out to buy batteries for the ball popper (I had bought the wrong size earlier) and found I was not the only one appreciating that Walgreens was open. We had Christmas dinner at noon and then it was time for some very short naps. My mom and I took Jacob to a movie in the afternoon while M stayed home with my dad and brother.

I spent Friday doing my part to stimulate the economy. The experts weren't kidding when they said prices have been slashed. I returned the duplicate clothes and pots and pans and helped the boys spend their Christmas money. I also stopped and bought a new computer. I have bought things from this store before and never had them willing to cut prices just to have me take their products. That is what they did this time. When I stated I wouldn't pay as much as they wanted for the computers in stock, they knocked another $150 off to get me to buy one that day. I gladly accomodated them and accepted the deep discounts to get a computer that is virus free and much faster than my old one. I now plan to get the old computer fixed and let the teenagers upload their programs and play on it.

It was a very nice holiday and I am enjoying spending time with my family. I really enjoyed having J and B over yesterday to shop, play on the computer and then have dinner at my parents house. The laughter and giggles went on for over 2 hours last night before I told everyone it was time to go home. I don't know if my parents enjoyed the noise and activity as much as they claimed but is was fun to see everyone having so much fun.