Weekend Recap

E spent the weekend at our house. It was great seeing her and a reminder of how important a stable family is. We all need a family and home we know will always be there for us. Unfortunately, not all children have this. E is one of those kids and I really hope she finds a permanent and loving home soon. It is always hard to say goodbye to her.

The weekend went well. We went to the children's museum (see previous post) on Thursday. Friday we saw the circus with a group of friends. The kids really enjoyed it. E kept asking to go back to the "popcorn show" again. Jacob was a little disappointed there wasn't a lion there this year but he did enjoy the tigers and clowns.

Jacob went to a friend's house for most of the day on Saturday. I took E and M shopping during the day. I found clearance coats for Jacob. They were $13 marked down from $65. They look really warm and had the next two sizes Jacob will need. I was also able to take advantage of some early sales and get some t-shirts and pants for Jacob and M.

I found some markers that only color on special paper for M. He has a very bad habit of hiding markers and coloring on walls, the dishwasher, books, toys and just about everything he can think of when no one is looking. I have even caught him hiding markers in his sleeves and trying to sneak them into his room. Hopefully, the new markers will discourage this since they don't work except on the paper. I hate making a rule he can't color but I really don't have much choice with traditional colors. He will wait patiently until I get distracted and then run to hide the markers. These markers will be much better than just banning coloring all together which is what I have done the past few weeks.

Jacob and E really enjoy going to church school so we went Saturday and Sunday. The kids had a blast. M wasn't feeling well on Sunday so my mom took Jacob and E to McDonald's for lunch. I took M home and put him down for a nap. He woke up feeling much better and back to his normal self. I love how quickly young children can get over mild illnesses.

I lost my cellphone somewhere during the day on Saturday. I searched everywhere and called it several times but it seems to have disappeared. I was able to renew my plan early and got a new pink blackberry pearl yesterday. It is the same phone as I lost but this year's model. It seems to get better reception and has a few new programs I am trying to learn.

Overall, the weekend was a hit. The kids had a great time together and I enjoyed spending time with them. I am anxious to get another foster child but also know it could be awhile. I am trying to work on patience and concentrate on loving the children in my home now.

Learning At The Museum

E is spending the weekend with us again. We love having her here. Today we went to the children's museum. The kids had a great time. We had pizza for lunch and then came home for a nice 2 1/2 hour lunch. Jacob really enjoyed dressing up as a construction worker. He found a tool box and carried it around with him. All of the kids had a great time and did a great job.

A Holiday Beginning

Jacob, M and I began our holiday celebrations last weekend. E was with us all weekend and a joy. The behaviors I was concerned about last spring are completely gone. While she is far from perfect adn still has some challenges, she is doing much better.

It snowed about 10 inches on Friday. M played inside (in a safe confined space) while E and Jacob helped me remove the snow from the driveway. The roads were clear by noon so we headed off to McDonald's to burn the rest of our energy. By the time we left, E was falling asleep at the table and Jacob and M were just as tired. Naptime was a breeze and we spent Friday evening relaxing at home and playing.

Saturday was a very busy day. We started by watching a free concert celebrating Hannukah. While none of our families are Jewish, I thought it would be good for the kids and me to learn a little about the Jewish culture. We all had a great time and learned all kinds of fun things. The kids enjoyed listening to the music and dancing. I enjoyed watching the dancing latkes. Who knew potato pancakes could dance?

Saturday afternoon we braved more snow to visit Santa at the mall. Jacob and M had their picture taken. Jacob asked Santa for a new house for mom again. I keep trying to assure him that our house is fine and that he should ask for something for him. He keeps insisting that he wants to buy me a larger house. Someday we will get that bigger house it just won't be now.

We left Santa and headed out to church. The snow was continuing to fall but that just made it the perfect festive mood for some Christmas carols. Jacob had sung Ruldoph the Red Nosed Reindeer at his school performance on Thursday and E had recently learned Jingle Bells. Church was also fun. E had never been to Church School before and loved it. She came home all excited and telling me about the birth of Jesus. She appeared a little confused at the prayers but sat quietly and even bowed her head for the last one. I really hope that E's forever family takes her to church so that she can continue to learn and enjoy it.

Sunday morning we went to my parents' church for some Christmas activities. Once again, we had to battle cold and snow to get there. The kids were able to make Christmas crafts and then played in the nursery. I attended services and enjoyed them. Saturday night services are contemporary while Sunday morning is more traditional. I really have fun at the Saturday night services but enjoy the relaxing atmosphere at the traditional services as well. It's also fun to see all of our friends at both churches. I get so much support at both places.

E left Sunday afternoon and we already miss her. I assured her that I love her and will always love her. I have told her and her current foster mom that she is always welcome at my house. I have told human services that I would welcome her back as my daughter if they decide I am the right home for her in the future. In the meantime, I have volunteered to provide respite services for her new foster home anytime they want. Now, it is in God's hands. I can only pray that wherever she goes she is loved and finds a permanent forever family soon.

Welcome back E

Some of you may remember I had a foster daughter, E, last Spring. She is changing foster homes again and needed a place to stay for a couple days. I told her current foster mom she could come to my home. She will be here next week for a couple days also.

It was fun seeing E again. Jacob does miss her and they did have fun playing together. I really hope she finds a permanent home soon. She is such a great kid and I hate that she can't just stay here. She will be moving on to a new foster home in about a week and we most likely will not see her again. I will miss her though and pray for her often

Good Bye E

E left our home today. She was a very sweet little girl who deserves the best. She has had a tough life and I hope that it improves from here on out. E had some behavioral concerns that made me feel she was a threat to Jacob's emotional and physical safety. After a few serious incidents, I decided that I could not put Jacob at risk. It was not an easy decision. I have shed tears over it and will probably continue to mourn her departure for awhile.

I expect another placement soon and have requested a child younger than Jacob. I have done this for several reasons. I need to know that Jacob is safe when I am busy doing chores in a different room. I also believe that their will be less feelings of conflict, threats and power struggles if the foster children are younger than Jacob. I do believe that E could have been successful in our family if she had been younger than Jacob. I also know that moving her was the best decision for everyone. I was not sure I would be able to keep everyone safe with her here. I also could not give her the attention she needed and give Jacob the attention he deserved.

There are many stories and details that I do not feel comfortable sharing with others. Just trust me when I say that I did hope E would be able to stay longer if not forever. I also do believe that she has found a good family who will be committed to her, accept her for who she is and be able to give her the attention she deserves and needs. She will be safe there and so will the other people in the household. I made the decision that I felt was best for my family as well as for E. We hope to continue to have contact with her and wish her the best of luck. Jacob and I do love her and already miss her.

Learning About Culture

Discovering traditional Hmong clothing

Enjoying some Ethiopian Food

Many adoptive families believe it is important to teach our children about their birth cultures. I believe this is important and spend a lot of time talking about Ethiopia, showing my son books and pictures from Ethiopia, playing music from Ethiopia and eating Ethiopian food whenever we go downtown. We have been busy this week learning some words in Amharic. Although I wish I could teach him more and incorporate more of the holidays and traditions into our lives, I do the best I can as an American mom who has only been to Ethiopia once for a very short visit.

I also believe that children should be taught about many different cultures and belief systems. Of course, Jacob knows our beliefs and is being raised as an American and Christian. He is also being raised to honor, respect and appreciate other cultures. My hope is that he will grow up to be a more tolerant and well rounded adult who enjoys learning about our differences and is accepting of them.

The children's museum has a special exhibit this month teaching children (and adults) about Hmong culture. We were able to wear traditional Hmong clothing, see their money, cook "meals" using the rations available in camps, see traditional Hmong story cloths and many other fun things. At 2 1/2 and 3 1/2, I'm not sure E or Jacob really learned much but it was a start. If nothing else, it was a fun afternoon and a good beginning.

We left the children's museum and headed down the street to eat some doro wat, chicken peanut stew and injera. All of these are common foods in Ethiopia and foods that I ate while there. Injera is a very unique tasting flat bread. It has a kind of vinegar taste to it and does take a few tries to get used to. I was amazed to find that E loved it. I tend to eat a little of Jacob's and then eat rice. That is the only "americanized" change I make. I am getting used to injera and enjoying it more than I did a year ago. Maybe someday I will be able to stop ordering the rice.

Growing Pains

E moved in yesterday. So far I think I have said, "Take turns." " He/She had that first. " If you can't play nicely, go to your room and play." "You are not Jacob's mom. You cannot tell him what to do or discipline him." about a million times.

Things are already beginning to improve. I have begun to set some ground rules and each child has been disciplined at least once. I am continuing to ignore E's tantrums and she appears to be learning quickly that I will not react to them. Both children are pushing and hitting less as they are aware that it will only lead to more time outs. When E does not play nice and becomes bossy, Jacob and I play in another room. It doesn't take long before she decides she would rather play nicely than play alone.

I know that the next few weeks are going to be challenging. I also know that it already is easier on me emotionally than when Jacob came home. I am less hesitant to ask for help and more creative in finding ways to take breaks. I also know that things will continue to improve and that is all I can hope for right now.

Moving In and Enjoying Spring

The weather was beautiful today. The high was in the mid 60's and the sun was out. It was the first time this year that we have been able to play outside without jackets. Jacob picked up his own clothes today and managed to have everything weather appropriate and matching! That was our first sign that it was going to be a great day.

E came over in the morning and we spent some time with her and her current foster moms. They brought E's belongings over which took two trips in the SUV. I spent about two hours sorting through it and trying to determine what we would use now and what was too small or too big. I also separated her toys into toys for her room and toys for the playroom. Those may get changed after she has time to find her favorite toys and decide what she wants upstairs.

Jacob, E, her current foster moms and I all went to the park this morning for about an hour. The kids all had fun and did really well. We had lunch at a local resteraunt and then went home. Jacob took a nap and I tried to organize the house. E went back to her house after lunch.

E is coming over tomorrow. She is going to church with us in the morning and then over here for the afternoon. She moves in on Monday but is excited and ready now. I know the next few weeks will be full of transitions but at least everyone has a good attitude about it right now. Hopefully, that will continue after the honeymoon period ends.

Children Are Hard On Computers

Computers are definitelly not made for young children. No matter how many times I tell Jacob that the computer is not a toy, he is always trying to play with it. So far he has written with black permanent marker on the monitor (thankfully below the screen and not on it), spilled something on the keyboard that makes the shift key stick and now jammed pennies into the USB ports. I have some wonderful pictures I want to share but need to get the USB port fixed first.

E is moving into my home on Monday. I need to get the port fixed soon so I can upload pictures of her and Jacob. I can't post pictures of her here but I can email them to close family and friends. I also want to make a photo montage of her time in our family and need the computer for that also.

It will probably be a couple of weeks before I have the money to fix the computer. Until then, I will keep you updated without the fun pictures. There are some coming though so please be patient. Now, to unstick that shift key.....

Feeling Safe

How do I help my children feel safe and know that they are loved? How do you help a child who is not yours and who is being forced to move yet again? These are questions that I am facing as I try to parent my child and my foster child.

E spent the evening with us and is now sleeping. I would love to say peacefully but I am not sure that is true. It is difficult to think about how scared she must be. To be forced to move just because the adults in your life tell you to. How can I expect her to trust that I am a good person and won't give up on her when so many other people have failed her. These are questions that I am not sure I have the answers to.

Jacob is also struggling with the transition. He loves having a playmate and there were lots of giggles and screams of delight tonight. There were also extra requests for snuggles, difficulties going to sleep and jealousy. He did well and I know he will continue to adjust.

I allowed Jacob to stay up a few extra minutes while I comforted E in the other room. I then took some extra time to rock and snuggle with Jacob. It seemed to help. E stated she was scared (I can't blame her) and Jacob stated he was sad. Both kids need time and E needs to know she is safe and can heal. The next few weeks will be difficult for all of us but I know God will help us.

Please let me know if you have any advice on tranisitioning a 2 year old and 3 year old. I have assured Jacob he is mine forever and I love him dearly. I have told E that I will be here for her while the adults decide what is going to happen. I can't promise more than that at this time.

Easter

Jacob had a great time dying Easter eggs. It was even more fun eating the one we dropped and cracked after dying it.
"There it is!" This was taken the moment Jacob found his basket. The Easter Bunny hid it behind his "garage" and dump truck. That sneaky Easter Bunny!

Mmmm! Look at all the goodies and toys!

This was Jacob's second Easter here although I doubt he remembers last years. He keeps asking if the Easter Bunny can "come back more." The Easter Bunny brought Jacob a picnic basket, police car with a police officer, play doh and lots of candy. We don't normally buy candy or much junk food so the candy is a huge treat. Jacob and the dog are now on day 2 of sugar highs. Oh the joy of being young at Easter!

Jacob and I had a very busy weekend. We died Easter eggs on Friday, met our new foster daughter on Saturday and spent Sunday at church and Grandma and Grandpa's house. I had to work in the afternoon so Jacob had a great time with his grandparents and Uncle Chuck.

I am sure everyone is wondering about our new foster daughter. As I have mentioned in the past, I have just completed the licensing process to become a foster mom. I found out last week that I was matched with a 3 year old girl who needs a new home. I will refer to her as E for confidentiality reasons. We met E on Saturday and she appears to be a good fit for the family. Since E is a foster child, I will not be posting any pictures of her on here. I may share stories but nothing of a confidential nature. I don't know how long E will live here but plan to enjoy every moment I do have with her.