Monday, June 14, 2010

Finding A Partner

Saturday was so jam packed full of activities that I couldn't imagine trying to do much yesterday. So, I didn't. Other than running errands and trying to get caught up on laundry (we didn't have a dryer for a week), we just hung around the house. The boys took long naps (over 3 hours) that actually made it a little more difficult to fall asleep last night. I had time to finally sit and think about some of the trials we have had lately. Life as a single parent isn't that much more challenging than with a partner but the big difference is that all of the responsibility falls on me and I don't have a partner to turn to for help.

I recently had a conversation with a woman about being a single parent and what it means to our family. Another person suggested (again) that I get married. I always have the same answer, that I don't want to. The reality is I would love to fall in love and get married. I just don't have the time to devout to searching for a mate.

Dating takes time and that is something I just don't have enough of. The little free time I do have I want to spend with my kids. That isn't to say I don't spend time away from them. I do. I just find that more than one night a week gets to be too much. They miss me and I miss them. I have yet to find a man who was willing to be involved in trying to start a relationship with someone who has to tightly schedule every date and can only see him once a week. Or even limit how long and often I talk to him since I am either trying to get the kids fed, entertaining them or putting them to bed. By the time they are both asleep, I only have about half an hour before I have to go to bed. I tend to spend that time finishing up a household chore or just relaxing. Not trying to put energy into a long conversation with someone I barely know.

I haven't ruled out dating completely. I'm still interested in finding someone special. I just know that it isn't and shouldn't be a priority right now. Maybe someday but not now. The kids want another sibling and I want another child. That child will come by either adoption or birth but will be the child of a single mom by choice. It's just the way it has to be right now. I will have plenty of time to date and find "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Good Enough" when the kids are older. For now, I would rather be with my kids and dreaming about child #3 (who will be my last kid."

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