10 More Days!

10 more days until M turns 2! I look at M and am amazed at how far he has come since he arrived almost 9 months ago. He was hoarse from screaming and crying. He said 3 words and grunted at the other times. He didn't trust that I would remember to feed him at meal times and was sure I would disappear if he couldn't see me. It took months before he was willing to walk anywhere when we were away from home. Now, he talks non-stop and is beginning to use 3 word sentences regularly. He not only walks but runs and jumps also. He is getting better at listening to me. He not only trusts that I will come back but loves to give me a kiss good-bye and tell me "bye Mommy".

Nine months has flown by. The baby I picked up at the social worker's office is no longer a baby. He is now a toddler who I have to watch closely but also am beginning to be able to trust slightly. We still have some things to work on. It is hard to tell what issues are a result of his past traumas and what is just him developing normally. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter why he acts the way he does. He just needs constant love, structure, support and parenting.

Jacob told me this morning that we should "trade M in for a nicer kid." That may be Jacob's opinion. I know that most of the time M is a very sweet kid who I am honored to be able to parent. Whether it is for a few more months or forever. Every day I am thankful that God sent me this beautiful little boy and that he has come so far in such a short amount of time.

Preparing For Summer

The "unofficial" start of summer is only two and a half weeks away. Spring and Summer are my favorite seasons! The warm air and the chance to spend time outside with family and friends. I also love just going to a park and enjoying nature and quiet. It is such a nice change from shivering inside during the winter months!

Jacob, M and I are busy preparing for this summer. It is going to be busy but also full of fun. Jacob has been working hard to learn how to peddle a bike. He has tricycles at his school and has gotten very good at riding them. Now, he is determined to learn to ride "a big bike like Grandpa."

Being a grandpa is still Jacob's #1 dream and goal for when he grows up. He absolutely adores his grandfather and wants to do everything Grandpa does. Grandpa rides a bicycle almost every day beginning when the ice and snow melts and until the first snow falls in the fall. Jacob is determined to learn to ride as well as Grandpa. Every day after school, Jacob runs to the garage, straps on his helmet and practices riding. If I even suggest doing something else first, Jacob insists that he has to practice pedaling and bike riding first. He should be an expert by the end of summer!

One of my other favorite things about summer is all of the fresh fruits and vegetables. There is just something special about food picked fresh from a garden. Last year Jacob and I grew tomatoes and green peppers. I decided to try a few new plants this year. I dug up the garden using my two good hands and nine good fingers earlier today. Jacob, M and I planted carrots, cucumbers, peas, tomatoes and green peppers after they got home from school this afternoon and after Jacob practiced riding his bike. I have never grown most of the plants before so it will be interesting to see how they turn out. I would like to try a few other things in the future.

It is raining right now and watering our plants. Hopefully, the seeds and plants will grow well and we will have delicous and cheap vegetables this summer.

Recently Overheard

Here are some things I overheard recently from my kids.

J: "I don't have a daddy in my family. I have a grandpa."

M: "Bye Daddy! Bye Daddy!" to the pizza delivery man as he drove away from our house waving.

J: "I'm not a person. I'm a man!" Said to M in the backseat of the car.

J: "Mom! The other kids won't share the ball with me!" I was wondering why he was just watching the other kids kick the soccer ball and wouldn't take it from them. I tried to convince him that he doesn't have to share the ball with the other team.

M: "No biting teachers! Bite Brooke!" Said after he got in trouble for spending an afternoon hitting and biting his daycare teachers.

An Unexpected Vacation

I have received an unexpected vacation from work. I was at the batting cage yesterday when I get hit in the hand by a 65 mph pitch. Thankfully, it's not broken just a little sore, purple and swollen. I can't go back to work until I can pull at least six pounds with it. Right now, I can't put enough pressure on it to turn the key on the front door or lift anything with it.

The doctor predicts it will be better at the end of this week. He gave me a note to be off work through Friday. While I really didn't want to use the sick leave, it is nice having the week off work. I go back to work on Saturday and then have a four-day weekend while I celebrate Brooke's confirmation and have my normal days off work.

First Steps Towards A New Life

Jacob and I took another step towards our new life. People that know me well know that I have not been happy at my current job for about six years. To say I don't like it is a huge understatement. I work there because I have to pay the bills and support my family. No other reason.

About three years ago, I almost changed jobs. I had spoken to people from other law enforcement agencies who encouraged me to look at other agencies. These officers had once worked where I work and had been much happier after leaving. I almost accepted a job in Sheboygan, WI but decided against it at the last minute. I had a long conversation with my dad about it and realized that moving at that time would mean putting my adoption hopes on hold for a number of years. I decided at that time to stay where I was so that I could adopt Jacob and become a mom. That was a decision that I do not regret but I have moved on from that point now.

Earlier this year, I decided it was time to make a major career change. I have decided to leave law enforcement. It is not because I want to but because it is the best decision for my family. I do not believe changing agencies and working second or third shift is in our best interest at this point. I am also pretty sure that I want a career change and not just an agency change.

I applied to graduate school last January after spending some time researching my options. It will take me two years to complete graduate school. Only about 40 percent of the applicants are accepted to graduate school so I am happy to have gotten in. My next big challenge was finding a way to pay for it. A career in child protective services pays considerably less than I make right now. I am trying to save money and pay off debt to prepare for the lower income and taking out $21,000 in loans would not have helped that cause.

On Friday, I received word that I was accepted into the child welfare stipend program. It is part of the title IV-E grant from the federal government. Title IV-E is federal funds used to assist children in foster care. It also pays for graduate school for people dedicated to making a difference in child welfare. That was the part of the grant I was awarded. There are only a few stipends awarded to each university so I knew the odds of getting it were against me. Everyone wants it since it pays for all tuition and fees but only a few people get it.

In exchange for the stipend, I have to work one year in child protective services for every year of school they pay for. Right now, I have committed myself to one year. Another part of the program is that I agree to take the first job offered to me in child protective services. The university will try to help me find employment in Northeastern Wisconsin. That is the part that makes me and my family nervous. It also means I will have to move after graduate school since I don't live close enough to those jobs to commute.

Jacob, M and I took our first step towards moving yesterday. We drove to the campus that my classes will be at and then checked out the community a little. Our good friend Jasmine came with us and gave us her approval. Jasmine will be graduating high school when I graduate graduate school. We went to some shopping centers and looked at clothes for my field placement. I also took the opportunity to watch how people reacted to my interracial family and my biracial teenage friend. While we got a few more odd looks than at home, it wasn't many. Most people smiled at my kids and were warm and friendly. It was also more diverse than I anticipated. The community we were at is geographically in the middle of the area the university will try to place me in. I will be able to drive to almost any job location I am assigned to. I am feeling pretty confident this is where we will be living in two years.

There are some things that I need to do before I can even really start working on relocation. M is the biggest thing. His foster care case needs to be resolved. Since his case is still looking like I will most likely adopt him, I need to stay in my current home and job. I am still hoping his case will be resolved by next spring. After that, anything is possible. I will wait to move until I have a job and feel the timing is right. I do believe it will be in 1-2 years though. Yesterday was the first step. Now, I just need to be patient and trust God will help everything work out well.

I also bought new tennis shoes. I will need those as I race full-speed ahead through school, my field placement and current parenting and work responsibilities. The next two years will be very busy but I am committed to making life better for me and my kids.

Grant!

I was accepted into the child welfare program for next year. That means I will be receiving a title IV-E grant. It will pay for all of my tuition and fees for next year. That is the equivalent of over $10,000! To say I am excited and relieved is an understatement. I have to apply again to get it for my second year of grad school but at least I have one year paid. It will be nice to attend college for free!

I had a very bad day at work. It was one of those days that make me want to quit and walk away. I have actually had a few of them lately. While I can't afford to just quit my job, this grant does make life easier. It means I am now one step closer to being able to start a new career when I am ready. I still need to finish M's foster care case and possibly his adoption, sell my house and find another job. Those things will happen in time though. The biggest delay is M's foster care/adoption case. I love M and can't afford to risk losing his placement for a career change.

I trust God will see that everything works out. I know that God is calling me to a career in child protective services. It just feels right. I have put the entire situation into God's control. So far I have been accepted into grad school, gotten most of the days off work I need and have been accepted into the grant program I needed and wanted. There are a few more days off and I need to find a field placement that will be willing to work with my regular job schedule. I will make that work out though. I am not completely sure how but I will make it happen. Whether that be by getting the days off through the normal time off routine or trading shifts with someone else, I will make it happen.

Tornados

Jacob came home from school very concerned about tornados. He stated a tornado went by his classroom yesterday and into the boys bathroom. He stated it was really windy and then the teachers blew a whistle and they all had to go to the girls bathroom to get away from the tornado. I asked him if it was just a practice for if there was ever a real tornado. He insisted that there really was a tornado and it wasn't just pretend.

Jacob has been asking questions ever since then about tornados. He wants to know where they live? When do they come out? Do they only come when it rains? Can they break houses? How about schools? His questions are endless.

I knew that this would be an issue for him and even considered keeping him at home when they had the state wide tornado drills. He is afraid of fire alarms due to the fire drills at school. He has to look around whenever we enter a building to see if there are any alarms. If he sees them, he will ask if they are going to go off. I always assure him they won't go off while we are eating or at church or whatever the activity is. I knew that tornado drills would cause the same kind of concern for him.

I wish there was a way to calm his fears. He knows we have a weather radio to warn us of tornados and smoke detectors to warn us of fires. He is still concerned though. I am hoping that this is a phase that will pass quickly and just be a memory for him soon. He doesn't get scared so much as just concerned. He still goes into buildings with fire alarms and sleeps at night. He just needs reassurance that he is safe. I guess fire alarms and tornados are his monsters under the bed.