Week Review And A Prayer Request

I can't believe it has been almost a week since I last posted. The week went well. M is settling in nicely. M and Jacob both have colds this week so they are a little more cranky than normal. That also means they are both sleeping a little more than normal which gives me some extra quiet time to sit and think.

On Tuesday, I finally bought a double stroller. I have been looking at them for awhile. They are so convenient when I want to take both kids for long walks. Jacob was very excited and loves that he can sit or stand in the back of the stroller. He likes to stand and peak over the top to tell me if M has fallen asleep yet. M loves to go for rides also and often will fall asleep after just a few minutes. I have already used it twice and plan to use it to walk more places and drive the car less. So far we used it to walk to the drugstore and to the library.

Jacob had his second gymnastics class on Thursday. He did much better listening and staying with his group. M did better too and enjoyed playing with some of the other infants and young toddlers in the waiting area. Jacob cried when class was over stating he wasn't finished yet. I may have to move him to the 90 minute class next Spring.

I have mentioned before that Jacob and I have begun attending a new church. The pastor leaves this week to testify in his son's murder trial. His son is accused of murdering his daughter just over one year ago. I cannot imagine the pain he must have gone through and continues to go through. To lose a child is devastating enough. He has lost two children because of the horrible acts of one of them. Please keep him and his family (including his son) in your prayers. They all need support and strength right now. Please pray that his daughter receives justice, his son is treated fairly and the entire family finds strength and comfort.

Mom's New Class

Don't panic! I am asked at least 25 times everytime Jacob gets a face treatment what happened to his face. Nothing! This is just the way it looks after a laser treatment. It really does look a lot worse than it feels. It feels like a sunburn for about 1 day and after that he doesn't complain at all. The pain isn't even enough to justify Tylenol.

On a brighter note, I started a bible study class last night. I think it will be a lot of fun. We meet once a week and have daily homework readings and reflections. The course is a year long with a "graduation" ceremony at the church services in May. It is also a much needed break for me. I find that I am a much more patient and better mom if I have a break at least once every 2-3 weeks. I don't always get a break as I have trouble justifying spending the money on a babysitter. Participating in sports in the Summer and this bible study class this year give me that once a week break I need.

First Week Finished

Well, the first week of our new activities has come to a close. The only thing left is Sunday School for Jacob tonight but that won't be a big deal. Everyone did well (or as well as I could hope for). Jacob loves his new friends and his new school routine. Complete with becoming upset yesterday when he thought I was going to have him stay home from school. Gymnastics was a hit and he is asking everyday when he gets to go back. I have only spoken to one of the kids I mentor but her first week seemed to go well and her classes appear to be ok.

M is settling into his daycare routine and our new routine. The first couple of days were a little rocky but it got better as the week went on. As he feels more secure at home, I am sure daycare will become easier also. I am really not happy with the center we are at. The parents are rude to the teachers, the director appears unorganized and children are often seen stadning in the middle of the room crying. While M seems to be adjusting to it, I do have him on waiting lists for two other daycares. One hopes to have openings in about 2 months. The other doesn't expect an opening for a very long time. I am sure M is safe where he is at but I will definitely move him as soon as I am able to.

Gymnastics

Jacob had his first gymnastics class last night. He smiled during the entire class but did have difficulty waiting his turn and staying focused. There was just so much fun stuff to try and do that he couldn't stand still to wait for his turn. His teachers were much better than me about it though. I kept wanting to yell at him to stay with his group and wait his turn. His teachers just took it in stride. He wasn't the only new student having trouble concentrating. After class he admitted he had trouble listening. We talked about it and agreed to try listening a little better next week. I am hoping that it will be easier for him to concentrate as he becomes more familiar with the class.

Adjustments

I am finding some very large differences between helping a foster child adjust and attach versus a child coming to my home as an adoption. Jacob was an international adoption and was a permanent member of my family. I was able to take 12 weeks off work with him and just concentrate on learning to love each other and be a family.

M is my second foster child. With my first foster child, E, I took 4 weeks off work. I actually did not work the entire time she was with me. I found several problems with this. While I loved being at home, I knew her stay was temporary. I am only allowed 12 weeks a year of family leave so if I stay home for several weeks with each child, I risk not having time if more than two or three children come through in a year.

Another problem with taking extended time off work is that it disrupts Jacob's schedule. Even if I continue to send him to school, he knows that I am not working and our routines are slightly different. I feel that the disruption in our schedules and routines means he loses the security of having a consistent schedule and knowing what will be coming each day.

I know that spending time away from work and focusing on M's needs will help with attachment. I also know how very important attachment is in foster children. M shows no signs of having attachment issues but that doesn't mean he or any other foster child couldn't develop them if he is moved around a lot or not given the chance to appropriately attach in a family. The problem is that I need to balance this need and his need to adjust on his own timetable to the other needs of the family.

This time I did not take nearly as much time off work. I do not know if M will be with me for just a few months or if it will last many months. I decided to take two weeks off work. This allowed for us to have some time together but also allowed me to return to work without using all of my vacation and sick leave. I was originally only going to take two or three days off as suggested to me by some other foster parents. After just a couple days, I knew this wasn't in M's best interest.

M began daycare full time yesterday. I guess he was quite tearful all day but did seem to be happy to see me when I picked him up. Jacob really seems to be more relaxed now that our regular routine is back. I think M could have used a few more days home but that would have come at a huge expense to the rest of us.

Adjustments are always difficult. It has only been two weeks and there is already improvement. I know that it will continue to improve over the next few weeks. I seem to get better at helping the children through this period with each child I have. Each child has his/her own needs and displays their feelings differently but I am getting better at reading them. I am getting better at soothing young children feeling insecure and vulnerable.

I know that the adjustment process will get better with each foster child who comes. Jacob will get better at sharing my attention and having another child around. I will get better at meeting everone's needs more efficiently and better at figuring out when it is a need I can meet as opposed to just part of the grieving process the children must go through. The foster children will still have the same challenges while adjusting and trying to attach to a new caregiver. They won't change. But the changes Jacob and I have to make will come easier.

If any of you are experienced foster parents and have suggestions for the attachment/adjustment process, let me know. Otherwise, I will just continue to learn as I continue to help God's children one child at a time.

Happy Labor Day

Jacob, M and I spent the afternoon at a friend's parents' house. They live on a lake near us and have a very nice boat. We spent a couple hours on the lake swimming and boating. Jacob loved it. He was able to jump off the boat and into the water by himself. He also had no problem swimming around in the water and needed very little help from the adults. I was so proud of him!

M didn't enjoy the water as much but he still had fun at the house. He enjoyed playing outside and exploring the water from the pier. I enjoyed having some extra help with the boys and spending the day outside on the lake. I have many fond memories of boating at J's house growing up and love that my son will also have some of these same fond memories.

They Forgot My Sister

"Mommy, they forgot my sister!"

This is what Jacob told me while we were all going for a walk one day last week. This came just a few hours before I got a phone call asking if I was interested in accepting a two year old and 8 month old for two weeks and after M was already here. While M and Jacob are normally very good kids, I am definitelly not ready for 4 children under age 3 for more than maybe a few hours tops. So, I told Jacob he will have to wait for a sister but maybe someday in the future.

I don't know how long M will be staying or even where his case is right now. I do know that one toddler is enough at a time. I would still love to have 3 or 4 children someday but I want them spaced out a little more than Jacob does. I was thinking how nice it is that these two are close in age. If M stays forever (No one is talking that way now. I am just dreaming.) I would consider another child in 3 more years. That way M would no longer be a toddler and Jacob would be starting kindergarten. Less daycare, fewer diapers and hopefully more sanity for me.

For right now, I am concentrating on the children I have. If M leaves, then maybe Jacob can have the little sister he has decided he wants.