I am excited to announce that Jacob and I are waiting for a new (but temporary) family member. I spoke to my social worker this morning and was told I would be considered for any young children who needs foster homes. I have my hopes of course. I dream of having a baby that becomes adoptable. I also know that may not be what happens. It is fine if it doesn't.
I feel guilty being excited about welcoming in a new child. Having a foster child assigned means that a child is going through instability, grief and possibly abuse or neglect. If the call comes in the middle of the night, I am almost guaranteed that the child is going through a major crisis. Either way, it means that the child will have to grieve before he or she can feel comfortable here. Just the thought of the child's pain is enough to make me feel horrible about being excited and anxious to meet this child. I just remind myself that my desire to have a foster child has nothing to do with the circumstances the child is in now.
I am open to any child under 4 with problems that I believe I can handle. The child does not need to be headed for adoption but I have expressed that desire eventually. I do hope that I can get a child who will teach me to be a better parent while I pay off some bills and begin saving for another adoption. If my next child comes through the foster care system, that will be wonderful. If he or she comes through international adoption or birth, that is fine too. I am leaving it in God's hands and trust it will work out like He desires.