Dumb Comments

I know a woman who often makes very dumb comments to me. She means to be helpful but just does not seem to understand how wrong she is. She has a daughter just a few years younger than me and I think she tries to give me good parental advice. The problem is that I am 30 years old now and don't need advice from a "mother" figure. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind advice and opinions. I just get tired of some of the hurtful comments made around me and my son. Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Why don't you just have a baby of your own? You could walk into a bar and get almost any man to volunteer to help you.

The scary thing is that she was serious. She has made several similar comments since then stating that I just don't understand because I have never given birth.

2) You have such a beautiful son. Why would you want to have another child and risk him?

Ok. So does she really think that having another child will make my child any less beautiful or well-adjusted? I am sure there will be adjustments and some jealousy issues but I doubt is will make him ugly or less able to function in society.

3) Don't you just want a child of your own?

Exactly what makes Jacob not mine? He loves me. I love him. I provide for him, kiss his injuries, hold him when he is sick, encourage him, teach him and do everything else a mother does. He is mine now and forever. What really angers me is when she (or other people) say this in front of him. When I state that he is mine and how he became mine doesn't change anything, she states I just don't understand.

I live in a very diverse community. Most people don't even look twice when I pass them with my caucasion foster daughter and my African American son. People don't even look twice when both children call me Mommy. The only people who ask if my son is from Ethiopia are other parents of Ethiopian children and occassionally an Ethiopian American we pass on the street.

I know how lucky I am to live in this community. To live where there are a lot of single mothers by choice, multi-racial families formed through adoption and through marriage and where people are generally accepted despite the make-up of their families. We have experienced a few instances of bigotry and racism but it is not very often.

That is what makes the above comments so frustrating. I want my son to be loved and I am glad when people are friendly to him. I just wish people would think more about some of the comments they make. The lady who made the above comments is someone we have to see often and need to remain on friendly terms with. I do correct her when I hear these types of comments and I do watch to see how Jacob reacts. I tell Jacob he is my son forever and that I love him everyday. I tell him that I am so happy I was able to adopt him and that he is going to live here until he grows up. I hope he hears these comments the same way I do. As annoying comments from someone who is very ignorant in adoption and family issues.