My days are now filled with moments of excitement, moments of fear and occasionally moments of panic. I am told that these feelings are perfectfly normal and that every new parent has them. I also believe it must be part of the adoption process. After all, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Right?
Two days ago I received an email stating that I needed to purchase a foreign adoption bond from Wisconsin. It is a $1000 bond that is suppose to guarantee my child will never be on welfare. How much time do you think $1000 will cover for foster care or food stamps? Possibly a month? This is one of the worst policies I have seen in a long time. I did find out that the bond only costs $100 so that is good. It is still $100 that I was not planning on.
My next moment of anxiety comes when I look at my budget for the next year. I am not sure where all of the money is going to come from. When I do the math, there is enough there but just barely. I am not looking forward to a year of counting pennies and watching my expenses. Of course, I will be going out to movies and dinner less so I will have some savings there. The money will get easier after this first year. I am scheduled to get a couple raises at work and my car will be almost paid off.
My next huge fear is that something will happen to JM before I can get him home. A woman posted a message today that her daughter died a week before she was suppose to pick her up. She became ill and died despite medical care and everyone's best interests. Yipes! That is my biggest fear. I know the money will work itself out in the end (I'll cancel cable if I have to) and that things will get easier. I don't know what I would do if something happened to JM though! My prayers definitelly go out to all of the people who have been affected by this young girl's death.
Mostly, I still feel excited. Those moments of panic and fear are short lived and soon are overtaken by feelings of anticipation. It will be so wonderful to have JM home. I will definitelly do whatever it takes to keep him healthy and happy once he arrives. If it means working more overtime than I want, I will. I have to work some anyway or risk being ordered to work when I have other things going on. I refuse to be one of those people who use my child as an excuse not to work overtime. It is not fair to the other deputies or my supervisors. Besides, JM can handle a little time away from me after my family leave is over.
Just think. 17 days and 12 hours and I will be on a plane beginning the first part of my journey to meet my son!