We finally have a new au pair selected. She is 19 years old and from Brazil. She left her last match for minor reasons and ones that should not affect her placement here. She stated that she was upset she did not have a TV or computer. I told her that she wouldn't have her own here either. She does have full access to the family computer and TV but I would not be buying one just for her. I do not think she was very happy with the news but it is something I am not going to negotiate with.
I do not know when the new au pair will be arriving. It should be soon. I am excited but also nervous. I am hoping that everything will work out well and we will get along. I am not home a lot and tend to want to spend my free time alone with Jacob. I do not mind having the au pair accompany us occasionally but I definitelly a lot of time alone with my son. I miss him so much while I am at work that I cannot stand being away from him when I am not working. The first few weeks before she makes new friends will probably be the most difficult. I will teach her how to take the bus as soon as possible so that she has transportation. After that, I just need to let her find her own way. I also cannot let myself feel guilty if she is home alone while Jacob and I are spending quality time together.
I went to the special needs adoption seminar yesterday. I still do not know what to do. I am trying to get information on regular foster care adoption from the county. I still do not know when a decision will be made. It is so difficult knowing that the adoption may fall through and the child returned to her birth family. Especially in cases of abuse. I do not know how I would handle returning the child. I may give it a chance though. I will just try to keep myself from becoming too attached while still giving the child the love and attention that she deserves. I do not really want to make a decision before next fall. Jacob needs to be home a little longer and I want to be eligible for family leave. I also want to wait to see what happens with my job and what the doctors say about having a child by birth.