Only a few people have actually accused me of being crazy when I stated I wanted a third kid. Most people just tell me it's wonderful and that they wish more people would consider foster care. I also wish more parents would consider becoming foster parents but I also realize it is not for everyone.
So this morning I woke up with the same kind of panicky feeling I get before any major life changes. I know that I loved having E here as a third kid and spending time with her. Three kids meant two were always entertaining each other and I really only had one under my feet. There were even a few moments with no kids in the same room as me! Having two preschoolers meant more kids old enough to help pick up toys and putting their clothes away. It means adding another can of vegetables or another chicken breast in the oven at dinner. It really didn't make for much more work.
I know in my head that I loved having a third kid and that adding another child to this family through foster care or through adoption will be good for everyone. Emotionally I am still scared. Don't ask me why. It is just the way I feel today. Maybe tomorrow I will be back to just being excited. I do know that I am trying not to concentrate on it and instead just wait patiently. After all, it is always a good thing when there aren't any kids in the age group I can accept that need homes. It is also only a temporary situation and won't be long before I start receiving phone calls again.
I am going to try to stop thinking about how to fit another child's activities into our schedule or how to pay for another child's daycare today and college in the near future. Instead, I am going to just wait for the next phone call with a child in need of a home. After all, my kids are growing up very fast. Jacob will be in kindergarten in a little over two years, M will no longer need infant daycare (if he is still here) and the state pays daycare for my foster children.
For today, I will just enjoy a day off work with my kids. I will get their hair cut, take them to the library and fix lunch for them. I'll help Jacob clean his room so M can move in there when another child comes and might even move him in there tomorrow. After all, they spend 90 percent of their time together when they are home anyway.